Can't stop thinking about this girl and I want it to stop.

Hello,

This is my first thread here so I'm not sure if this is the correct area to place this, but here goes. (I'm sorry for it being extremely lengthy but I'm quite distraught)



So just a short summary of my life, I've never been much of a people person. In high school, I had friends but I was only there listening to what my friends had to say, never having any input as to what my thoughts and ideas were. I did have 2-3 best friends that I'd talk to and share everything with, but even then, I guess I still felt quite alone and quit school because of that.

3 years had passed and within those years, I tried moving schools to be the person I was deep down inside and complete my Year 11 course (Junior year), but all had failed because I couldn't find the confidence to do so.

This year however, I found the strength to finish it because I was able to somehow get out of my shy and awkward shell. The people in this school ranged from ages 18 to 40+ and I felt more comfortable perhaps due to no peer pressure of caring what these people think of me.

Between Jan-Jun of my schooling, I was still quite the social outcast and never really talking to anyone other than 1-2 people. When Jul-Nov came, the people in my class started to really show interest in me and for that I thank them because they brought out who I always was inside, but too scared to show. In that aspect, going to this school was great because I was able to develop out of that shy and awkward me, somewhat.

So when I started being noticed after invisible for 6 months, many people were interested and fascinated to know who I was. In that time, I approached many people, started to ask and get to know them. I came across one girl and I guess this is where to original topic leads to.

Immediately when I started talking to her, I liked her and wanted to get to know her. She's 7 years older than I am and is a Catholic Vietnamese (somewhat uncommon in my opinion). Between Aug and early Sept, I talked to her whenever she was free or we were waiting outside before class started. By Mid-September, before our 2 week break, I decided to ask her for her number so we can chat during the break. She complied. Eventually I asked for her email, we were chatting and it was great.

A week down the road, she admitted that she wanted decided to talk to me because she wanted to forget her boyfriend and she felt guilty in using me. She then went on to tell me that she didn't believe in love, but she didn't state why. (She said this because we were joking a lot about the other being "lovers" or "husband/wife". It's kind of normal joking in Vietnamese culture I suppose?) I told her it's fine because I was still interested in her regardless. (Perhaps I should have just stopped my friendship with her then and there because it might have saved me quite the wreck that's in my head.)

After that, we had a week left of holidays and I got to know her better. I asked if she'd like to sit next to me or hang during school times and she said maybe. Wasn't sure why, it was innocent enough (of a request) to want to sit next to her in class and I never really understood why. During school, up until Mid-October we'd laugh and joke normally in before and in class, and every night we'd always chat a lot. I wasn't sure why she kept the distance with me and I didn't really think anything about it.

Then after all that time getting to know her, I realized she was always on my mind.

Then, if I remember correctly, it was a Friday, I finally felt upset for the first time that she was avoid sitting next to me in school and so I left class early to go home because I couldn't stand to be near her. She texted me asking if I was ok and I feinted I was sick. I got home and I really didn't want to think why she was avoiding me, but I did anyway. She came home after class and asked if I was ok and I said no. I decided to let her do her own thing for a while because I wanted to go out to the lake to feel better being 'sick'. (Usually I walk to the lake and stare at the water when I'm upset at something)

I came back home feeling good (like I always do after staring at the water in the lake) and she told me about her day. She told me she saw her friend's girlfriend cheat on her and she had quite the horrible day worrying about him then about me. (Which I pretty much felt guilty about) I told her not to worry about me.

Then she told me she wanted to talk about something serious and I said sure. She mentioned about how he broke up with her boyfriend from a few months back and I'm like yeah I remember the conversation. She said after she saw that incident with her friend's girlfriend, she reinforced her belief in not believing in love any more. Then I told her that's silly. I asked her: What if I said I really liked you? (In a joking manner so that she really didn't think I liked a lot even though I do) She replied seriously that: like is ok but love is a problem and she'll make a distance if I was. So I replied with: You already make that distance in school and she responded with because she liked me, but couldn't get close to me. So I asked why and she replied with: Or she feels like she'd fall in love with me.

So I was kind of winded with that comment.

She went on to say that she needed me because when I'm around she doesn't think Australia is such a bad place to live. (Because she moved from Vietnam 4-5 years ago)

So I was pretty happy because the 'like' feeling was mutual, but after that she didn't want to talk about it anymore or she'd be upset. So I talked about regular stuff with her. She told me her boss is taking a holiday break and will ask her to run the store for the weekend to test how she does. So all of Saturday, she was busy and all we could say was good night to each other. Sunday, I asked how she was doing at work and her boss told her that she was offered a full time job and won't be doing Year 12 (Senior year) with me next year.

I was completely shattered. I asked if so, could I see her after work and she replied with can't because she'll be working 7 days a week. I told her I was pretty sad I'd be losing her. When she came home at night, she promised to do it with me and I wasn't sure if it was best for her to. She said she'd do it anyway.

Monday came, and she didn't come to class because of her new work and she said her mother won't allow her to do that (I expected that she couldn't do it) and so I asked her to do it anyway. I said a lot of things to convince her to do it and she said no and to just forget her. (I should have accepted that offer) I said no, I'd still want to chat to you.

After that day, the regular jokes and talks were different and I found myself unable to take her jokes like I use to. There was awkwardness for a while and eventually, she found a way to do both school and work without much stress and I was happy I suppose. (Of course when this happened, I thought of the dumb things I said in those 2 days that I shouldn't have and wished I could re-do them)

Our relationship was rocky. We had an argument then resolved it about 3-4 times. (So I guess we fought once ever week and fixed the problem afterwards)

Since last week, all the normal talking came back to how it use to somewhat.

I have had about 3 crushes where I basically idolize them like I do her, but it has nowhere ever been this bad where I constantly think about the girl constantly.

So now that you know my story, here are the string of questions I'd really appreciate answers to.

- Most important, how do I stop thoughts of her intoxicating my every day life?

-How do I stop feeling anxious when I don't talk to her? (It's pretty bad)

- Is there any chance I can somehow switch her to a 'friend only'? (Because I still want her to be in my life)

- Should I just stop talking to her completely?

- Is she playing at a game?

- Does she even like me?

- I know it might be cruel, but should I test her by stop talking to her for a few days and see if she genuinely cares?

- Should I try and help her out with her problem or am I just wasting my time? (I have a bad habit of trying to fix problems for my friends and it's only full blown when it comes to her)

Thank you for your patience if you've read this far. If there is anything (or anyone who has read this) and is confused in a particular part, I'll fill in the gaps.