Right attitude towards RAD children

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I haven't found a link as of yet; however...

Scribd.com offers free one month memberships and it has Greene's The Explosive Child book to read

It also has a downloadable PDF of a book called Another Chance: Hope and Health for the Alcoholic Family by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse
https://www.scribd.com/doc/202129015/Another-Chance
^
It's one I definitely think you'd find interesting if you were ever bored and looking for something to read.

It's an older book with some concepts quite outdated, but she was one of the first to talk about and label "Dysfunctional Roles" in Alcoholic Family Systems - which these days is incorporated (by some) much further than just alcoholic families



Brief slideshow synopsis of the roles:
https://www.slideshare.net/mobile/bmw82 ... use-theory

I find it idealistic and unrealistic in some parts (and inappropriately outdated in a place or two), but I still really like her book because it gives dignity to the alcoholic equal to everyone else, places some (unrecognized by most) responsibly back onto the "Chief Enabler" and gives insight to the child roles

DaturaInnoxia wrote:
I think I hear what you're saying.

Separating them to be address what happened and offering support individually is ideal to make sure no one feels that way.

Yeah, I think it's better.

You're right, but favoritism, etc., is enabling the youth rather than what I was intending to describe.

There's the saying Acceptance Doesn't Mean Approval

You can unconditionally accept and care for and have positive regard for someone without thinking some of the things they do and say are ok.

1. Whatever they experienced that brought about the behavior is valid and should be addressed.

2. It does not mean the actions were ok.

The "adults in authoritarian position" you refer to, are honoring both 1 & 2.

Whilst others dismiss both 1 & 2 in full sympathy to the victim.

You need to honor 1 but not 2.

Exact. I wished to share my thoughts about that attitude and its effects, as it's a frequent dynamic, and I agree totally with your considerations.

1. Attachment (ideally) is when they connect with you enough to use you as a base of security.
RAD kids in the system were more about a rapport, connection and some trust that enabled them to take themselves further and to be reasoned with/taught.

2. From there, they can learn to Regulate themselves from both the sense of security and learning.

3. Once they have begun to navigate a human connection and have started regulating themselves, they begin to be stable enough to start connecting (Affiliating) with more people in a give and take manner

Thanks, it's clearer.

Adults are similar - especially those with trauma. Neuroplasticity is a beautiful thing.

That's a great news! I thought it was impossible with adults.

I'm going to see if I can find an open source pdf to the book to post

Thanks... just started reading "The explosive child" More interested in it, at the moment.