I need help self-diagnosing disinhibited RAD.

I have been trying to diagnose myself for the last several months after failing my first of year of university due to the loneliness induced depression. I couldn't make any friends during my stay on student residence so was literally forced to be alone for eight solid months. I recently met with a psychologist to get a second opinion but she was useless, unable to diagnose, and just said I needed therapy. Don't get me wrong, I have a high IQ and have took it upon myself to study all the personality disorders, mental illnesses, and autism. So please don't tell me to get a third opinion as I do not understand how a psychologist would have access to any information I don't have on my own, and I confirmed this first hand. The reason I am hesistant to officially self-diagnose myself with RAD is that it is a risky thing, the DSM even recommends extreme caution when doing so.

I have a mix of Asperger's Syndrome along with some of the cluster B personality disorders. Individually I do not fully fit with any of them. I do match Asperger's to an extent but the problem with that diagnosis would mean that I also have a co-morbid personality disorder such as Borderline or Antisocial as autsim alone doesn't fully explain my behaviouir. RAD fits me perfectly and combines all the symptoms into a single disorder.

As a child I would avoid eye contact but once I go into high-school I learned how to do this and control the intimate feelings and anxiety. I would also resisit my moms attempts to touch me or hug me. Internally I feel I was abused and even used to tell this to my mom when I was young. I never had many friends as a child and was bullied lots, I even got gang beat once until I was on the ground crying.

Fast forward to today and here are some of my Antisocial qualities. I completely lack effective empathy except in situations I can personally relate to such as being bullied. I cried when I heard a gay teen commited suicide due to being bullied; yet I can tourture a seagull with my pellet gun and feel nothing except fun and excitment. I am unable to love and unable to feel guilt or remorse. I used to break into cars, steal from friends, set fires, and currently I still vandalize property. Rules and laws mean nothing to me, I choose what I follow. I have reduced fear, but lots of general anxiety. I cannot fully trust anyone. I have literally no interest in forming male friends but I do desire to form intimate connections with woman so I do make the effort to become friends with them.

Let me get into the Borderline traits. I constantly feel empty, have mood swings, idealize and devalue others, unstable self-image, binge eat, and suicide ideation. I have never self harmed though. I am very emotional and impulsive. I occasionally binge drink and use cocaine, but not enough for it to be considered a substance abuse severe enough to affect diagnosing. There is no addiction either.

I strongly relate to Asperger's Syndrome. I meet the core syndrome traits such as high IQ, clumsy (can't play sports), narrow interests, and different thought pattern. More importantly it is socially that I struggle. I have trouble with communication. It is difficult to put my thoughts and emotions into words. Don't know when to start or end a conversation so I often interrupt. I am unable to do small talk, so I often plan out what to say, but if the other person doesn't follow the script then the reciprocal conversation fails. Social interaction is what's worse. I literally struggle to make and maintain friends. Didn't make a single friend during my entire say on student residence. I have no understanding of the social rules so the behavior of other people can often be confusing. I am also starting to notice that the topics I talk about are probably inappropriate. In a social situation I cannot predict outcomes and have no clue what is going to happen next. I have really bad cognitive empathy so I cannot understand what other people are thinking or feeling. I even had to lose my virginity to a prostitute.

I say that I have the disinhibited type of RAD since I push familar people away yet try to become really close with strangers. I seek comfort and physical affection from anyone that will give it to me. When I lost my virginity to a prostitute, I actually enjoyed cuddling with her more than the sex.

Should I finally diagnose myself with RAD? Would it be safer to simply say I have Asperger's Syndrome co-morbid with Borderline/Antisocial? What should I do? I realize RAD is not treatable and neither is Antisocial Personality. Should I simply focus on my Borderline traits? I already take 5HTP to control the mood swings and depression. Should I make an appointment with some therapist to start diaelectric behaviour therapy?

Why label yourself instead of addressing each individual problem?

Kontako wrote:Why label yourself instead of addressing each individual problem?

Is this a serious question? My problem, which is that I am unable to form relationships, would need to be addressed differently depending on what the cause it. How do I solve my problem without knowing what the issue is? If my problem is an attachment disorder it would need to be treated completely different than if I had Aspergers, Schizoid, or Antisocial.

ThePurpleHaze wrote:

Kontako wrote:Why label yourself instead of addressing each individual problem?

Is this a serious question? My problem, which is that I am unable to form relationships, would need to be addressed differently depending on what the cause it. How do I solve my problem without knowing what the issue is? If my problem is an attachment disorder it would need to be treated completely different than if I had Aspergers, Schizoid, or Antisocial.

Any sane person would suggest that you see a professional, i.e a psychiatrist.

Kontako wrote:Any sane person would suggest that you see a professional, i.e a psychiatrist.

Well actually no, all a psychiatrist does is give you drugs to treat the symptoms, possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard. A psychologist? Yes that is a good idea, but sadly I tried that. I met with her for an hour and she was unable to diagnose, simply said that I should see a therapist for my issues.

ThePurpleHaze wrote:

Kontako wrote:Any sane person would suggest that you see a professional, i.e a psychiatrist.

Well actually no, all a psychiatrist does is give you drugs to treat the symptoms, possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard. A psychologist? Yes that is a good idea, but sadly I tried that. I met with her for an hour and she was unable to diagnose, simply said that I should see a therapist for my issues.

Some people allude to suicide.

Kontako wrote:

ThePurpleHaze wrote:

Kontako wrote:Any sane person would suggest that you see a professional, i.e a psychiatrist.

Well actually no, all a psychiatrist does is give you drugs to treat the symptoms, possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard. A psychologist? Yes that is a good idea, but sadly I tried that. I met with her for an hour and she was unable to diagnose, simply said that I should see a therapist for my issues.

Some people allude to suicide.

Exactly why it is even more of a terrible idea to meet with a professional. Since I have suicide ideation I am not allowed to talk to them about that, and if I do, they can forcefully drug me. The mental health system is designed to get people addicted to those chemical drugs.

ThePurpleHaze wrote:Exactly why it is even more of a terrible idea to meet with a professional. Since I have suicide ideation I am not allowed to talk to them about that, and if I do, they can forcefully drug me. The mental health system is designed to get people addicted to those chemical drugs.

That's not what I meant, sigh. Either way you're too degrading so I'll leave it here.

Kontako wrote:

ThePurpleHaze wrote:Exactly why it is even more of a terrible idea to meet with a professional. Since I have suicide ideation I am not allowed to talk to them about that, and if I do, they can forcefully drug me. The mental health system is designed to get people addicted to those chemical drugs.

That's not what I meant, sigh. Either way you're too degrading so I'll leave it here.

Degrading to who? I haven't decided yet whether I consider myself better than you so don't worry about that, your opinions are still valid and welcome. But I do believe that the entire psycharity idustry is a scam put forward by Jews to make money off stupid people.

Hi,
Don't know if you will get this but my heart goes out to you in your quest for answers and in coping with what ever is weighing you down.

It is true that our mental health care system is severely lacking.
I see that you are not afraid to take responsibility for your health.
I hope you won't lose hope in the value of support from others as well.
The internet has a wealth of info on how to help kids w/ RAD and I have read that folks w/ RAD do not respond well w/ talk therapy because we tend to use our frontal lobe more and end up rationalizing away all our feelings ect. or something like that, thus never tapping into our limbic system ( emotions). I have had success with Rapid eye movement therapy - you may want to read up on it. Sounds hokey but clean living, meditation, yoga, qui gong , ect are very helpful. And for me so is prayer. God loves you more than we can ever love ourselves.

Also don't listen to those negative replies to your post.
Surround youself with positive people and what you love to be around.

Hang in there - you are worth it.