Help Please

Hey guys. Sorry I have been through heck the past couple of days, and haven't gotten a chance to write back.

I went to the hospital on Sunday night, and they had to call the police because of the circumstances. They found a bruise on my inner thigh, and they said my ovaries were sore. I did a written statement to the police, and they searched his house and questioned him. When they questioned him he told to police that I consented to having sex with him (even after he told my boyfriend that it never happened), but when I talked to the police the next day he told me it appeared as though he was lying. He has an attorney that he got with his parents, and he is still denying it was forced. But, now since he is saying it is consented it comes down to a he said she said case. He also washed the sheets, and the clothes he was wearing that night so they had no real physical evidence from his house.


I don't think emotionally I could go through with a trial and see him again, so I went to the courthouse today and asked the DA (district attorney) and asked her to not file charges right away. She told me that I have up to two years to file the charges against him in a court of law, and when I talked to the police they said that I scared him and don't think he will ever get in contact with me again. But, they suggest me getting my number changed, and being with someone at all times. I am going to a University in the fall (my 2nd year), and am moving farther away from him. I am also seeking therapy from Victim's Services next week, and am seeing a Psychiatrist tomorrow.

You certainly seem to have been through a lot. I hope things feel a bit better after all this, I'm sure you'll feel better after going to therapy and the Psychiatrist. Don't worry too much about pressing charges if you don't feel ready which is the most important thing, but give it time and keep in mind for later.
For now, keep going one step at a time. Do what the police have suggested, change your number and have someone nearby. Also keep the police number on speed-dial just to be safe.

Just wondering have you given the police your own evidence such as the clothes? Did you get in touch with your boyfriend?
Stay safe and in touch.

Yes, the police have all of my clothes. And, I have talked to my boyfriend, he told me that he loved me and wanted me to do what is best for me, and do not worry what anyone else thinks. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life for me, and feels horrible he wasn't here with me through this.

I love him too, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him too, but every time I see him I think of what his brother did to me. It is not like they look that much a like, but they are still related. This is something that I am going to have to work past though if we stay together.

I told him I didn't want to be intimate with him until I was ready, which will probably be a long time. He said whenever I am ready is important, and that I don't rush into do anything, because I might have flashblacks and end up hating him. I also told him that certain smells like that of alcohol, or cigarettes I can't handle because it reminds me of that night.

He also told me to talk to the priest at our local parish which helped out a lot too, it just made me clear my head and know I need to focus on my inner self and trying as best as I can to heal the wounds inside.

-- Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:08 pm --

And I want to thank everyone for the emotional support. I can say without a doubt that without this support I don't think I would've been strong enough to go through with the hospital.

That's great news! Of course you and your boyfriend will have to work through the remaining issues, but I'm glad that you are both supporting each other. Just take each problem one step at a time and acknowledge them as best you can, then you can put them to one side. I agree with your boyfriend; everything that is happening now all depends on your feelings and how you feel. Given how far you've come, I'm sure things will turn out for the better.
Talking does help whether it's here on the forum or face-to-face. You've taken a great burden on your shoulders and now you can continue with your life while letting your wounds heal (which I'm sure they will)

Your thanks are much appreciated! We're only happy to help and take pride in the work we do. Do keep in contact though and don't hesitate to come back here to talk if you have any other problems.
Good luck for the future!

Thank you again. I was just wondering if anyone knew that if under PA state law if I chose to not press charges if the state could go ahead and press charges on him anyways. I am not really familiar with the law, and was just wondering what would happen.

I'm so glad you went in for medical attention.

Are the police still going to examine your clothes for evidence?

I know the idea of going to court is scary and I can understand if you decided not to press charges. If you were interested in pressing charges, is there anyway you could talk to the DA about not being in the same room with him for the trial? I know they do that some times with cases like these.

As far as the state pressing charges on him anyway, that would be a question for the DA. I don't think we can answer that here. I also think it depends on evidence and whether or not they think they would have a successful case.

You may want to write out some questions to ask the DA about what to expect. Did they run any blood work or do any testing to see if you were drugged?

You are doing great. I'm sure you scared the living daylights out of him, having the police come to his house and check. I really hope he is staying up nights worrying about whether or not they throw him in jail. If nothing else, he is now on the police radar and I'm sure his family is very upset with him. You know as soon as the police show up they always come up with a bunch of lies because they know they are guilty.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Are you sleeping okay?

Yes, I believe that the police are still going to examine the clothes for evidence. I know that when I spoke to the DA she said that all of the evidence was there she was just reading over the case.

They did run blood work to see if I was given anything, and it has not come back yet. I just don't think I am a strong enough person to go through with this. And, I was told because I am an adult I would most likely have to testify in front of a court and him.

I think they should just kill him really.

-- Thu Aug 11, 2011 11:24 pm --

I think they should just kill him really.

How are you feeling today? Please keep us posted. We care about you.