A few.. issues.

I've been raped a few times, by drug dealers and ex's and only recently I tried to do something about it because of the encouragement of an amazing friend. I know it's had an impact on me, despite trying to deny it. I've some amazing guy friends, my best friend is a guy.

But because of the sexual abuse and rapes, I break down when ever a guy starts raising his voice at me, and I flinch every time a guy moves his hand in a high position or gets too close. I try to hide it, but sometimes I can't. I don't want to constantly remind my friends and the guys around me to not raise their voice or do anything like that just for the sake of me and because I feel bad asking them to do that, knowing they, most times, don't intend to upset me.

A lot of the nightmares I have also include rape, sometimes from guys I don't know, men I do know, or those who did before. x_x I can't get my nightmares to go away [ they're not just rape, but a lot of them are ] Is it normal to have a lot of details, or sometimes blurry, nightmares about rape/rapes after going through many?

I also can not, I mean can NOT, be in a group of guys that exceeds 3.

But.. despite these things, my sex drive is still fine, if anything, it's gotten.. stronger?

I dunno I'm so tired of being reminded of those things. I wish there was a way to get through or forget this stuff.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you...

I don't think you should feel bad to ask your friends to refrain from doing those behaviours which trigger you... I think you should work in therapy to work through the trauma so that those triggers gradually decrease but in the meantime, I think asking people you know to slightly modify their behaviour to take you into account isn't an unreasonable request.

Nightmares are quite normal if you have gone through a lot of trauma...

Are you seeing a therapist to help you deal with what has happened to you?

salted lipstick wrote:I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you...

I don't think you should feel bad to ask your friends to refrain from doing those behaviours which trigger you... I think you should work in therapy to work through the trauma so that those triggers gradually decrease but in the meantime, I think asking people you know to slightly modify their behaviour to take you into account isn't an unreasonable request.

Nightmares are quite normal if you have gone through a lot of trauma...

Are you seeing a therapist to help you deal with what has happened to you?

I probably will now, thanks. <3 Or ask them / explain to them that I'd at the least appreciate it if they took into consideration these things and just try to be more careful.

Ahkay, I kind of figured, thanks for that confirmation.

I am not, actually. My family really doesn't.. know? And I'm a nervous wreck / completely uncomfortable to tell them, and I'd have to tell them because my only way of really getting around is through them driving me anywhere. So it's hard to do. And all of it's happened over the course of the past.. gosh, four years I'd say? x_x

Therapy is really very helpful. I think it is definitely worth you considering...

Perhaps you could just tell your family that you feel like you need to see a therapist, but just say it's because of some stuff that you really don't want to talk about with them? Or catch the bus or train?

I'll look into what therapists are around here and see about buses or trains about getting there.. I'll also consider what you've mentioned with asking them to just bring me, but it is personal.. thing.

I'unno if they would let me / want me to go. My mom is sort of the 'you can tell me anything' person. But thank you. :D

Please consider seeing a therapist as I think it will really help you. Good luck with looking for one. Remember you dont need to tell your family unless you want to, although they potentially could be a source of support depending on your relationship with them.

Cracked

I've been really thinking over the therapist idea and seeing one. My fear is finding one that.. well.. sucks. :x I do really want to find one. I'm also just not sure what the difference is between a good one and a bad one. Is it that you just like one more than the other, or.. ? x_x

You can often interview therapists to ask them questions such as what is their area of interest and to see whether you feel comfortable with them. In any therapy the most important thing is the client-therapist relationship so feeling comfortable to talk is key. If you find that you get a therapist that you dont get on with remember you can change.

Cracked

I didn't know you could often ask them questions and stuff like that! o: Thanks for that, and yes I will keep that in mind as well.. makes sense.

Good luck and thinking of you.

Cracked