Legal trauma

My first time posting here.
Several months ago I was raped by my then girlfriend, required stitches. I am not seeking legal action for several reasons, not wanting to out myself (small community in the deep south) and having gone thru this in college and not being believed top the list. However I successfully got a restraining order against her and she has gone to jail several times for violating it. Every time she violates it I dance around with terms like trespass and terroristic threats because too many in power don't think a woman could rape another woman. Things have gotten so bad that I am moving, taking my business with me to a new area and leaving behind my students, my friends, my faith community.

I feel so paranoid that I am going to get raped again or my orientation will be announced to the whole community. I am scared that I am teaching my my daughter to be a victim. What are my swings in eating from binging to starvation doing to my body? Why does the legal system make me feel like a victim again and again while those who took from my body keep tormenting me from near and afar? I feel worthless, powerless, whoreish. I think it even scares my therapist when I go in for a session.

Today I received a call she was released from jail, the sheriff promises to keep my home and business patrolled, but it is just a matter of time before she tries again. When will it ever end, I just want to live my life.

sorry for the rambling post but it feels like the legal system is raping me again if I try to seek justice.

HelenD, there is no excuse for the way they have treated your case, this woman should be in prison for rape. Maybe moving will help, but you'll have to tell the authorities there about her stalking and threatening you, at least. Are you moving to a place where people are more open minded?
Maybe your eating disorder will get a bit easier to control once she won't be allowed to harass you anymore.

Not sure they are more open minded but they are welcoming me and the business I am bringing. But that is a trade off I have of living where I do. As for seeing that she goes to jail for rape, I do not want to put my sexual history out, my previous, rape, lifestyle. The benefits at this time do not justify the pain.

Maybe you could come out as gay, some day, if people are a bit more understanding there. I'm sure that's not your first priority right now, though. Let me know how you're doing and feel free to post in more forums too.

I guess this should have been Legal, social moire and prohibition trauma. It is not that no one in town knows I am a lesbian, most except a few order women who keep trying to set me up with their grandsons know. I don't hide it, I take serious gf's to church, local dances and festivals. I do keep the pda's to a minimum but so do straights and has more to do with a conservative nature of the community in general. I just don't flaunt it.

When I went to my pastor after obtaining an restraining order (so he and the church staff would know in case something happened on church property) he could not fathom the mechanics of female-female rape. When I explained he almost passed out (he and the whole church have been very supportive of me). It is part of the don't want to publicly know mentality.

As for my self I am fairly well, a bit paranoid, working with my therapist, fighting depression tooth and nail. But soon I should close on my new home and place of business.

I'm glad people are being supportive. It's horrible that you went through that and that she's still free, I hope she gets what's coming to her.
You have a therapist, a business and a family, you will be ok. If there is anything I can do, let me know, please.