Please read cant do this nemore

Hi there
i dont really have it in me to go into to much detail but I am now 17 and have been abused by my stepfather for 5 years now starting when I was 12 just after he moved in with my mum. He took my virginity which is something i will never get back and wenever i see him i feel physicially sick and cant breathe. This stopped for about 6 months when i got a boyfriend who i confinded in, he even though i asked him not to finally went over there and hit my abuser when he saw how distant and depressed i was getting after this a few weeks later it happened again and I am to scared to tell my boyfriend or anyone incase it keeps happening, i feel like it is my fault for telling my boyfriend maybe it would not have happened again if i had kept my mouth shut. The flashbacks and nightmares i get on a daily basis just seem to be becoming to much bringing back everything he has done and taken from me

Heya,

One must never be encouraged to hide their problems, but I can understand why you are reluctant to tell people in this case. Rape and abuse are things that nobody wants to happen to themselves. When they do [happen], the feeling that can arrive is to hide what happened. You don't have to. Your boyfriend might not be the greatest person to solve what's happening, but there are others out there who can help you. In your area, there will most likely be a 'rape crisis' center or just a phone number that you can call. You DON'T have to live with this fear inside you.

If you prefer, then talk to me via PM. I will do my best to help you in whatever way that I can.

Kevin

Hi-
The first thing i would tell any survivor is that it is never your fault. There is nothing that you said or did that would make any of that okay. I would also say that talking to someone might be very helpful and that if it might actually do you some good to talk to the police and report the crime. Most people will tell you that it gives you a feeling of relief. I didn't honestly believe it until i went into the police station and told someone who could make a difference about the crime... It felt like a weight off my shoulders and it helps me sleep passably at night instead of chugging energy drinks at night. I know the feeling i really do about how you cannot take it anymore. If you need to PM me, feel free.

Fiona

Hey look i understand that you dont want to tell anyone cause i didnt tell anyone either also its not you're fault you couldnt do anything.But you should tell you're mom so she can breakup with him. Plus you dont want to feel empty inside like i do. So please tell someone that is close like your mom

Try not to think of your virginity as something that is taken. Think of it as something you can ONLY give. Change your definition of virginity. It's the first time you have sex with someone you love. Which would be your boyfriend, or whoever you end up loving & being intimate with. Nobody can take what you refuse to give. Remember that.

Everyone else is giving great advice. There's nothing I can add.

Are you living in the same house with him? Is there any other family you can stay with? What about your friends? Could you move in with them for a while?
If anyone asks, you can just tell them things are bad at home and you don't want to talk about it.

You need to get some place safe where he can't hurt you anymore.

It is not your fault for telling someone. Abusers do not change and given the opportunity they will repeat the abuse. None of this was your fault. He is a sick twisted person that should be in prison for what he has done to you.

Have you thought about going to the police?

Can you drive? Right now, you need to try and gain as much independence as possible. Learn to drive, and get a job if you aren't working already. Start planning now on how you are going to get away from him. Plan ways to avoid being in the house with him. Spend your afternoons in the library or at friends houses. If he goes after you when there are other people in the house, scream and make lots of noise. That should stop him since he doesn't want to get caught.

Have you thought about telling your mom?

If you can't talk about it, you can always write it on a piece of paper and give it to whoever you want to let know what is going on. The more people you tell, the more you take away his power. It is supposed to be his secret. The best way you can get back at him is by telling someone.

Could you tell your boyfriend that it is still happening? If he loves you, he would be willing to help you.

As painful as this is, it is not worth losing your life over. I know there are programs and safehouses for people in your situation. Have you tried looking into those?

You can move out at 17 even if there are laws about staying home. I doubt he would be willing to call the police because he would be afraid of getting caught.

Abusers like to make you feel powerless. Like there is no escape. There is always an escape and you can always learn how to protect yourself. Even if it feels like you can't.

Let us know how it goes. We care about you.

My advice to you is to go to the hospital and get checked out first. They will probably have to contact the police, because of the severity of the crime committed against you. You are a minor so they will probably have to press charges against him. I want you to understand first and foremost this is not your fault, no one deserves to have their body violated against their will. I do not know the law where you live, but because he lives with you or is a relative you can get a restraining order against him. Which means he cannot come with in a certain radius of you at all times and/or contact you, and if he violates said order he is liable to go to court.

I would highly suggest no matter what to go to Victim's Services or at least a Psychologist to discuss what happened to you. Do not try to suppress what happened to you that will only be worse in the long run. Talk to an outside source (such as the ones listed above), because they will help you out more than you know.

And as for your boyfriend, if he truly loves you he will stick by you no matter what decision that you decide to make. He has already stuck up for you once, and I am sure he will stick by you through what happens. I just am afraid that if you try to be sexually intimate with him in the future you will continue to have flashbacks, followed by abrupt depression. This is why my best advice now is to seek help from an outside source to guide you through this.