I don't know what to do...

2 years ago I was raped by my now-ex-boyfriend. We were only together for about a month and I broke it off because of what he did. For a while I blamed myself and didn't really know if it was indeed rape. I am 18 now and I have a wonderful boyfriend. I have told him a little about what happened but I didn't give much details. He is the one that made me realize that it was indeed rape. I thought I was over it and I was doing ok, but sometimes something will trigger and I start thinking about it again and it is really bothering me. My boyfriend tells me that he thinks I should talk to someone. I want to get over this but I don't really know how... What should I do? How do I get to where it won't bother me?

How do I get to where it won't bother me?

difficult question.. i'm not sure that you can honestly get to that point but i think that you can get to the point where it's okay to live with it.. you can get to the point where you feel comfortable with yourself, your history and another man and by the sounds of it you're at that point with your boyfriend.

you said that you are triggered sometimes.. what usually acts as your trigger and what do you think about when you're triggered..?

For example; when i'm triggered i relive my incident but also get angry that i didn't call the police or tell anyone.. I get angry, not at myself but for the fact that he just walked away as if nothing had happened while i've had to deal with years of coming to terms with things.
I also get angry at the time that he took from me.. it was mine not his (rohypnol.. i have memory loss because of it and recall just bits and pieces).


i think that the first part of coming to terms with things has already happened.. i think that the next step is for you to take back control in some way.. this could be either talking to a therapist or maybe even going to the police..
have you told your parents at all..?

try and pause the triggered thoughts and see which bits are bothering you the most.. you'll be able to work out if you need revenge (calling the police) the most or if you need something else..

One of the biggest ones is I can't lay on my stomach when I am around my boyfriend. And when it triggers I relive everything that happened in my head. I hate thinking about it but I don't know how to stop thinking about it. I haven't told my parents. My boyfriend is the only one I have told.

You are totally not alone. I am a survivor of r*pe by my ex boyfriend more times than I'm even sure of. It's happened by other people too but that's not important.
I have many issues as a result of all the r*pes and the flashbacks are certainly distressing for sure.
I am glad you have a supportive boyfriend to help you with this. My ex boyfriend helped me a lot too.
I care and am listening to you.
Blessings.