i was OK

after the incident of rape few years ago (almost 10 years now) i was OK.
it was never been reported to officials by one reason and another and i never told it to anyone at all.
i was young and i thought i coped with it well. i was able to continue my life just fine and even almost forgot about it.

then i started to get close to someone special. one date to another, it happened that i told him the story about it...for the very first time, i open up.
he is a very nice guy. he told me not to be worry because i'm a brave woman and it was not my fault.

but somehow it haunts and cracked me bit by bit...i begin to wonder if it was really not my faults...i begin to loose myself.

why now?
why after almost 10 years, it hurts me deep?

does anyone have the same experience?

Hi Woodencat,

I can't say I have had the exact same experience as for me it was about 6 months before the hurt hit me and I realised fully the extent of what had happened to me but I think this is a case of your mind burying the trauma until now. It was probably part of your minds way of protecting yourself and now that you're stronger, it's resurfaced with all the feelings you'd think you would have felt at the time.

How are you coping?

stronger huh...

i don't think i'm stronger because i don't cope with it well now
i thought i was strong...but now i begin to doubt myself
and get worse everyday.

the truth is it scares me
i just want to be who i am but i don't know how

i hope you and other people cope with it better than me

I'm sorry it's causing you so much distress now, especially so unexpectedly. Have you thought about going to see a therapist?
We all go through stages of not coping, it's understandable when you go through something of this kind.