Was any of this abuse/assault/rape?

Hi there guys, thanks for being here.

This is kind of a continuation from the last post I did rape-sexual-assault/topic81434.html but on a different train of thought.

I've gone to a domestic violence/sexual violence charity for counselling, and had my initial assessment done.

Since then, I'm beginning to come to terms with what my ex did to me... and I'm wondering if more and more of the situations we were in together would count as anything beyond assault.

As I said in the last post, but didn't particularly elaborate on much, I was practically like a servant to my ex-boyfriend Jonathan. But I didn't say that he'd brainwashed me with a spiritualism that didn't exist. He became my mentor and teacher and I wanted to serve him so much because I loved him and thought he knew what was best for me. Learning this spiritualism made me feel better about myself, under his guidance. Because I'd pretty much given my soul to him, I would end up having sex with him even if I didn't want to - he would say 'but you always want sex. why not now?' so I'd give in. He called me his 'familiar' - bit like a human version of what witches' cats are like I suppose, I don't know - and said he owned me. I loved him so much, I wanted him to.

He had told me that in this spiritualism the custom was - to show dominance, like animals do - to anally penetrate 'familiars' if they were insolent/disobeyed their masters. He did this once, and even though I didn't like it I let him do it because I felt I was pleasing him, which made me feel better. It was very brief. I had to prepare myself for it, he didn't physically force me into position but he told me that was what I should do.

Was any of this abuse?? I am so so confused.

It sounds like psychological and emotional abuse to me. I'm glad you're not with him anymore.