Feels like I'm not safe anywhere.

I'm now getting help to get away from my abusive partner, but I still feel like I'm not safe anywhere.
Only recently did I start posting again on other support forums so that I could get some support from people I'm familiar with, and people that I trust. But... I feel like I will never be safe anywhere!

I attempted suicide recently, I overdosed on tylenol, and I took just enough to need my stomach pumped. And no one could understand why I did that, but I did it because whenever I go to the hospital, a nurse always comes to me, and tells me not to worry and she says that I'll be safe there. I want to be safe all the time. I don't like feelig like I'm not safe! The hospital is a safe place. I love the nurses, I love the other patients. I love being in the emergency room and ts a struggle not to attempt suicide again just so I can stay in the hospital.

I feel as though he'll always be there. You know? He'll always be there to hurt me, and if not him, it'll be some other man. I don't like feeling unsafe everywhere.

I am so sorry you feel so unsafe and like the only time you are safe is when you harm yourself and go to hospital. It is a horrible but understandable place to be. Are you having any help to talk through all of this so you can work on finding alternative ways to feel safe that are more healthy.

Hugs

Cracked

You have just got help to get away from your abusive partner, good for you. You feel vulnerable the wounds are still raw. To build your trust and confidence up will take time, you'll get good days and bad days.
There is no need to spend your life feeling so unsafe. To protect yourself from abusers firstly, could you go to your doctor's and explain. Perhaps he could arrange therapy for you to help you to understand why you are a victim.
Next when you start a new relationship look for 'Red Flags'
Now I have made disastrous decisions concerning men. My ex husband a narcissist (he was VILE) was a good b/f he was nice, funny, outgoing, friendly etc. We got married it was OK at first, I was pregnant with our first child when he punched for the first time.
When I look back, older and wiser, I can see there were Red Flags even before we were married, but me? I didn't see any off them. How could I be sooo stupid I ask myself now.
I've had a few more c##p relationships, but no more.
I know what the red flags are now and I look out for them, I now know what's OK and what's not.
So now you (I hope) are free from that abuser, take your time, do not rush into another relationship, build up your confidence, repair your self esteem learn to look out for warning signs.
There are some good guys out there, most men are not abusive.
I can understand you feeling safe and cared for in the hospital. I went in hospital years ago and I wanted to stay in there, when they said I could go home I couldn't stop crying.
Don't despair, accept any help you can, are your family the supportive type?
Mine weren't
My friend, who spent time in a refuge ( they were really good to her) said this book is good, I haven't read it myself yet, might be worth getting.
How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved.
M.A. Sandra L. Brown (Author)
I hope you are safe now, take care.

Thank you, Cracked, GreatExpectations,

Greatexpectations wrote:To protect yourself from abusers firstly, could you go to your doctor's and explain. Perhaps he could arrange therapy for you to help you to understand why you are a victim.

I'm actually in therapy right now. The sessions are mandatory because of my recent SUI attempt. I don't know. Therapy feels useless for me right now... but it's probably because I'm purposely not putting in the effort to make it work. I don't know why I'm doing that, though...

CrackedGirl wrote: Are you having any help to talk through all of this so you can work on finding alternative ways to feel safe that are more healthy.

I am in therapy now. Sessions are mandatory. I still feel really hopeless about everything at this point, though. I don't feel safe, and I feel like it's my fault, and I feel like I'm being let down in therapy. But looking into some alternatives would be really beneficial! I don't mind being hurt if it means I can go to the hospital and be safe, but I'd rather not be hurting myself.

How do you get on with your therapist. Does therapy feel useless because you dont connect?

Cracked

I think so.
My therapist and I used to get along very well. But I think now it just feels useless because I'm purposely keeping myself at distance. I don't like therapy sessions, I don't like talking about the rape, and I just want to feel safe.

So, I guess you can say that. I'm not connecting, so it feels useless.

It sounds to me like because it is tough and upsetting that in order to protect yourself you have withdrawn - this is totally understandable. But in the long term it is so important to be honest with your therapist as that is the way they will be able to help you.

Hugs

Cracked