Playing the rape game **triggering**

Does anyone here like to be dominated in bed and held down at times? I've often played this game with the partners I've had.. I feel terrible. I feel guilty... But I enjoy it. What happened to me... I was raped when I was 15, and sexually abused when I was 4-5 years old.. I don't understand myself. I'm also very sadistic in bed as well as masochistic...

Does anyone else do this/like this?

Is it normal?

I feel like a bad person. What is wrong with me?

I am so sorry about the abuse and rape. You are not a sick person - what happened to you has probably had an impact on your sexuality, like ppl who are abused and then go "looking" to be raped by walking in dangerous areas late at night. I am not sure of the psychology behind it but you are not the only one at all. Does your therapist know about this? If not I think it is important you tell them. And always do what you are doing with ppl you are safe with and consider having a safe word to stop if you want to.

Cracked

I'm so sorry that you were raped and abused. I can understand why you feel confused by it, but you're not bad or sick.
There's a complex psychological reason into this stemming from the abuse and the impact on your own sexuality (although I'm no expert). Don't be downheartened though, you're not the only one who might think this. When I was bullied physically, I felt that some part of me enjoyed (although I led to believe it was my fault).

I agree with Cracked, you should consider telling someone such as your therapist whom you trust. Always have sex as long as you and your parteners are comfortable with it, consider certain safety words if you feel uncomfortable.
Hope you feel better soon.
DJM19