Looking for Answers

So I'm a freshman in college. I just got here a few weeks ago, but everyone else just got here a few days ago. A few of my new friends and I found a party at a frat house and decided to go. I was so excited because I'd never been partying before, and I'd certainly never drank before. We drank a little in the dorms and then headed over to the party. It didn't feel like it was affecting me at all, so I kept drinking. I'd never drank before, so I didn't know my limit. At some point, I blacked out and the next point I remember was when I was in the middle of sex with this guy. I remember talking to him a little, but for the most part I remember just telling him that I wanted to sleep and I said it over and over again that I just wanted to sleep, but he wasn't listening. And I woke up the next morning and found I wasn't even in the same house, but I don't remember getting there. I don't remember anything. I especially don't know whether I said yes or no in the first place.

It's been about two or three days and I'm still bleeding. At first I thought it was my period because I had been on my period when the whole thing happened, but it doesn't feel or look the same and my period should be over by now. And today, it started to hurt when I pee. It doesn't just hurt when I pee though, it hurts all the time, but especially when I pee. And I've been crazy nauseous for days, though I think thats just because I'm disgusted with myself.

I'm not sure if any of this is normal because I was a virgin before the whole thing happened, but I really don't know what to do. Am I just overreacting? I heard that when you don't give consent, your body doesn't relax and you could hurt a lot more. I really just need some answers. Was I raped? I don't think so, I just think I was a freaking idiot, and I know it was all my fault, but all I remember was begging him to let me sleep...I'm really scared. Can someone please tell me if any of those symptoms are things I should really be concerned about? I don't know where else to turn.

With the physical symptoms, it's possible that they are simply a side-effect of it being your first time, but it could also be something like a UTI. It's completely normal to bleed a small amount for a short time after your first time (or first time in a while for anyone else reading this and wondering), but if you're having to change your pad more then once or twice a day because of the amount of blood, or it continues past today, you should see a doctor ASAP. Because it's the first time this has happened, an achy pain can be quite normal and it can get worse when you pee. If you're having a burning pain when peeing, or having to go to the toilet often and/or not having much when you do go, that generally points to a UTI which is usually treated with antibiotics. I find I'm nauseous the first time in a while that I've had sex, but again, it could also be a sign of a problem.

If you say you want to sleep, then you should be left to sleep. You told him that you wanted to sleep (which most people would take to mean that you didn't want sex) so he should have stopped and left you alone. Well, TBH, he shouldn't have started in the first place! An unconscious person can't give consent.

What he did was wrong - you said you wanted to sleep and you were not awake when he started having sex with you. I would advise you see a Dr for several reasons, partly the bleeding, partly to rule out a urine infection and also to get checked for STDs as I assume you are not sure if he was wearing a condom. This is not your fault and your Dr may also be able to point you in the direction of someone you can talk to about this too. I am sorry this happened to you. Whether you were drunk or not this was not your fault.

Cracked

Are you on birth control pills?

If not, consider taking the morning after pill. It is just a high dose of birth control pills to keep you from getting pregnant. If you blacked out, it is possible there are things you don't remember such as whether they were using a condom or not.

A pregnancy test won't show any results for a few weeks yet, so would be useless at this point.

Pain when urinating is usually a sign of a UTI. Very common in women who are sexually active. Best go to your doctor. They can have you pee in a cup and check for bacteria.

You will want to get checked/tested for STD's as well.

You do not have to tell the doctor you were raped. Just say that you would like to get some testing done.

If you were in no condition to give consent then it was rape. Especially if it was with someone you didn't know.

Is it possible that they drugged your drink? Some bleeding is normal if it is your first time, but it shouldn't be a lot and it should go away within a day or two. If you were completely blacked out and woke up in a different place, it is very possible that you were deliberately drugged. Alcohol can mask the taste of certain drugs. Certain drugs can show up even days or weeks later. Exactly how many hours are you missing?

This was not your fault. No means no. It is that simple. Any decent guy would respect the word no.

Have you considered going to the police? It is not too late to go to the police and ask for them to do an investigation. As I said before, certain drugs can still show up later on. Even if you weren't drugged, you were not sober enough to give consent and it is still rape.

I'm not trying to scare you, but is it possible you were raped by more than one person?
Some soreness is to be expected for the first time, but it definitely shouldn't last more than a day or two. Same with the bleeding unless it is your period.

If you were drugged, your body would be rather relaxed and it should hurt less not more depending on how drugged you were. If you were tensing up and trying to fight back or you were scared it would hurt more.

I know you are probably in shock right now. You will be okay. Many women do not find their first sexual experiences that pleasant. Do not blame yourself for this. Especially since you don't know if your drink was spiked or not.

Please go see your doctor. It would be best if you did tell your doctor what happened so the doctor knows what meds to prescribe to prevent STD's/AIDS/pregnancy and what tests to order. Don't scare yourself too much about seeing your doctor for testing. I'm not sure if you have been in to see a gyno before or not but it is nothing to be afraid of. Trust me, I was terrified the first time. I always ask for a women. I'm now seeing my 5th gynecologist for some issues I am having- I've never had a bad experience.

Take care of yourself. The people on this forum are very helpful if you have any further questions. Or if you wanted to send me a private message that is okay as well.

maybe wrote:I'm not sure if any of this is normal because I was a virgin before the whole thing happened, but I really don't know what to do. Am I just overreacting? I heard that when you don't give consent, your body doesn't relax and you could hurt a lot more. I really just need some answers. Was I raped? I don't think so, I just think I was a freaking idiot, and I know it was all my fault, but all I remember was begging him to let me sleep...I'm really scared. Can someone please tell me if any of those symptoms are things I should really be concerned about? I don't know where else to turn.

No you are not overreacting.

If you were or weren't raped needs to be secondary for a bit. You are having pain, bleeding, and not feeling well. Go see a doctor, let them examine you and run tests for STDs. They will also be able to tell if it was probably consensual or not. The important thing is to make sure you are okay, that's the number one priority. Make sure you are safe and then worry about the rest later.

Please be careful and take gentle care of yourself.

Thank you guys. It took me two weeks, but I finally sucked up my fears and told someone so I could get help. And I wouldn't have done that if you guys hadn't reached out to me and pushed me to telling someone. I told my parents and we went to the campus doctor together and they set me up with a campus counselor as well, so I can talk about it weekly until I'm comfortable again. As of right now, things look like they are okay--it was a UTI, so i've received medicines for that, and I'm not pregnant, super thankfully. But the rest I'll have to see on thursday, and I'll have to take a few other tests as well in the future. But really, thank you. I was in a position where I felt like no one cared--I even walked to planned parenthood in the pouring rain only to be turned away because I didn't know my insurance and I couldn't pay the amount they were asking--and you guys cared enough to take time out of your day to write me a response and let me know I wasn't alone. I can't even tell you how much that means to me. So thank you, so much, for everything. <3

You are hugely welcome and I am so so glad you got help. I really hope it helps you and that you can move on from this, you wont forget but you will get to a place where it does not have the hold over you. I am thinking of you and thank you so much for letting us know how you are.

Cracked

I'm so glad that you got help and that your parents are supporting you.

I hope the physical stuff clears up quickly now that it's being treated, and that with your counselor you are able to work through the emotional stuff.