Was I sexually assaulted?

When I was 16, my family and I went on vacation to the Outer Banks. I brought my best friend along with me. We talked to a 19 y/o lifeguard at the beach who asked me out that night. He brought his friend along for my friend. I had never been kissed before, so I was excited.

He picked us up and took us to the lifeguard beach house. His friend came and picked my friend up, and they went out to dinner. The lifeguard and I were alone in the house. This made me nervous, but I didn't say anything. He carried me back to his bedroom and closed the door. He laid me down on the bed and started kissing me. I stiffened up like a board and froze. He started kissing and fondling my breasts. His other hand was near my genitals. I was so scared to say "stop" because we were alone in the house, so I just laid there. My friend and her date came back to the house and the lifeguard stopped. Then we all went on the date to the movies. I insisted that my best friend ride in the car with us to and from the date so we wouldn't be alone anymore.

I didn't tell anyone what happened because I didn't think it counted as anything because I didn't say no. But for months after I would replay the events in my mind. There was a time when I literally couldn't go more than one minute without thinking about it. I felt like I lost control of my body and I wanted to disappear. I started starving myself and developed an eating disorder, which was at its worst for 3 years. I got a boyfriend 2 years after the incident, but it made things worse. One time I was giving him oral, and he smacked me in the face with his member and called me a b****. He thought it was hilarious. I was bawling. Sex was never enjoyable and I felt empty afterward. I've never orgasmed with a man, I think because it scares me to let a guy have so much control. Even with my current boyfriend, who is so sweet and caring. I've never told him what happened because I feel stupid. There are so many people who have worse things happen to them sexually, and I'm a mess because of this?

I feel stupid for having all these bad after effects as a result of something that probably isn't even assault.

Any unwanted sexual behavior is assault. Why would it not be assault? Any decent guy would have noticed you were stiff as a board and would have stopped.

The reason you are a mess is because your trust was violated. This makes it difficult to trust other people/form new relationships.

It would probably be a good idea to discuss this with your current bf when you feel ready/ trust him enough. It is important that he knows so he can make sure you are comfortable when being intimate. If you are not comfortable, it is important that you tell him to stop, otherwise it will not help your relationship grow.

Yes you were assaulted and I am so sorry this happened to you. Someone did something unwanted to you sexually. You are not making a big deal about nothing. I understand about not wanting to orgasm with a man, I get that too tho for some different reasons tho they essentially boil down to control. I agree it would be a good idea to talk to your boyfriend about this and explain what happened and how you feel. I also think it would be a good idea to get therapy about this so you can work through it and put it behind you where it belongs. It will never go away but with help how you feel about it will change.

Thinking of you

Cracked

mint_tea, I am sorry the few experiences you have had with men have all been negative.

I wonder what the age of the life guard was.

Sexual assaults come in many forms. You never said if he had sex with you so I can't really give my input on if you were raped. However he did use intimidation to pressure you through fear into not fighting. So you were most certainly sexually assaulted. Depending on his age and the laws in that area he could be guilty of statutory rape also.

What the other poor excuse for a guy did was a form of degradation. I think he is guilty of being an ignorant A-hole.

After these events I don't blame you for not liking sex and not being able to climax with a man. I have never been intimate voluntarily with a man. The assaults by dad put me through caused me to lose all interest in relationships and sex, not that I ever had a desire for sex. I understand where you are coming from.

Again I am sorry for the way you have been treated. You deserve so much better.

mint_tea - reading your story made me cry. I've gone through something similar, about two years ago but it's only recently I've been able to look back on it and realise that it wasn't right (I'm still not clear whether it counts as sexual assault, but I'll post my story on a separate thread). I'm happy that you've found someone that loves you now, and I admire your strength.
All the best
xx

This is a situation that you'd have trouble making a case for in a court or something, but I do think it qualifies as assault. There are cases where an 'implied consent' could have a case, but I don't think this is, someone who notices a person they're with for the first time has frozen up should really stop and talk to them about it, and this guy didn't seem interested in receiving consent to proceed.