help me

I'm kinda out of options and i'm struggling to get my life on track so i've come here to see if any of you all have advice, When i was 16 i was beaten up and raped by two men and that was how i lost my virginity. my family wasn't very supportive saying that i have disgraced my family name and have a reputation now cause of what happened. I dealt with it by drinking and sleeping around and i stopped caring about myself. One day i decided i didn't want to be this way and i changed my life around and graduated with honors from high school and such.

Last year when i was 19 i put myself into a dumb situation and ended up having an acquaintance push himself on me, i just froze up and cried the whole time. After i broke down and went into shock as i was trying to walk home and a girl found me and called the cops. I told them the truth from the get go, they rushed me to the hospital and did a kit and everything, but later on that morning i told them i didn't want to go through with this so me and the Officer had a talk and i retracted my statement, 2 months later they came and arrested me for it. I've been going to court for about a year now. I work full time and am a full time college student where my major is Admin of Justice (ironic huh)....but the part that bothers me the most is they never even questioned him they called him on the phone he said it was consensual and they ended up talking with him in person outside of my house.

I was all set up and ready to join the military (one of my life long goals is to serve my country since i'm very patriotic) my twin bro is in the Army out in Iraq while i'm stuck here cause of the informal probation the judge has placed me on, i go back to court on the 22nd for a update....i finished my community service 3 months early than when it is due and i'm almost done with the counseling he's ordered got a month left.....i just don't see why i'm being punished so bad? why does everyone think i'm such a bad person? is this all my fault?

NO

As a matter of fact, meet someone who DOES and has been in the very very same situation, tho I didn't call the cops, a man at a convenience store I ran into did, I didn't stop the investigation, and they didn't arrest the MF. He is free. My parents said the same thing to me, and told me to sell everything I had and go into the military to get away. I didn't.

3 years of waiting for them to arrest him, and nothing. After being r@ped before and not reporting it, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was, just the system wasn't.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I understand why you backed out. I really do. I probably should but tried to be brave and stand up for all women , esp. the future victims of this thing...and they told me, IF he ever did it again!!!??? I would be called to court to testify. What!!!???(meaning if he did it to someone else), I just last year went to PA and talked to her about the case. She said so much of the evidence had been destroyed, that there was no case anymore, but "They did believe me", I have to admit, this helped close a wound, but I have a huge scar, and no faith in the system. I also have ptsd and agoraphobia as a result.

I hear your pain, ddee