My (Long) Story, Warning on Triggers

Try picking a technique that you like and trying to use it. Tell yourself the pain has gone now too.

Hugs

Cracked

I'll try, it just hurts so much, it's blinding..

Hugs hon. I am really sorry you are struggling

Cracked

I feel a little better, it's dulled anyway. My heads foggy from remembering though, I remembered a lot. About the first time it happened and the sodomy. It's messed me up. He laughed...

That should never have happened to you hon - it is not fair that it did. And he really should not have laughed either. I am so sorry hon

Hugs

Cracked

Both times, the first rape and the sodomy, he left me alone on the floor and walked away laughing.
I remembered I screamed the first time, that it hurt more than anything else I can remember, and he said 'don't you know? no one can hear you'.
I remembered what led up to the second thing too. We were home alone, I knew that, so I snuck out my bedroom window. He came after me and caught me. He put me over his shoulder and carried me back into the house. He was very mad.

He sometimes made me call him dad in public, if someone commented about me to him, like 'is that your daughter?' or something. I hate that. I wish I didn't know..

I am really sorry to hear that Psalm. That is an awful thing to have gone through.

Hugs

Cracked

I talked to my friend about the body memories and the things I learned about the events surrounding their cause. It got me 2 days with no pain or fear. It came back tonight, she told me it's because I'm avoiding something, she was right. When I focused on the cause of each memory and let myself go to remembering the terrors went away. So tonight I did the same thing, to make the pain go away. I remembered something awful, but at least the body memories disappeared. I remember he has pictures and possibly video...I understand why I didn't want to know. Now I feel empty and kinda sick.

I think you are working really hard on this and that is a really good thing hon. But your poor brain also needs a rest. At some point during each day can you say to yourself you are not going to think about it and that you will make time to think about it later? This will give you a break.

Hugs

Cracked