People who sexually assualted me

It is understandable that you are projecting your anger onto other people, it has to come out somehow.
It probably means that you're in touch with your emotions. I have to say, I think that people who can feel anger towards the right people (like you for your parents) have a good chance to heal.

Oh, then the police will have those records! That is very good for the case you will make!

jasmin wrote:It is understandable that you are projecting your anger onto other people, it has to come out somehow.
It probably means that you're in touch with your emotions. I have to say, I think that people who can feel anger towards the right people (like you for your parents) have a good chance to heal.

Oh, then the police will have those records! That is very good for the case you will make!

I appreciate your understanding. I'm very content with the above reply. I feel my voice was heard by you
You are right. I am starting in touch with my emotions: the emotions which was stored, suppressed and ignored for a long time. It's best to direct these negative emotions towards the people who hurt me: dad, mom, rapers, my ex-partner etc... I need to stop projecting 'em towards other people. PTSD gives me a lot of confusions in my daily life. Projecting is one symptom of PTSD, I guess.

Good night

I hope your father's sorry ass ends up in jail and gets raped there big time.

Gelazar wrote:I hope your father's sorry ass ends up in jail and gets raped there big time.

Thank you for saying this for me!!! I love what you say
It's still very difficult for me to express my anger towards my dad. I am afraid that others think I am a violent person. I am afraid others despise me. But, honestly speaking, I want him to die. I want him to get raped, I want him get killed. I want him to get stabbed thousands times. He deserves it!

I was just a little girl. Nobody can take back my childhood. He completely destroyed my childhood.

I think I direct my anger towards father to somebody else, because I have not expressed it ...
I was forced to wear a mask of 'perfect girl'. A girl who is fine even after going through horrible time.
However, I am not fine at all. I know that my mind is destroyed. I know my mind was beaten up. My mom has never understood that I am NOT O.K. I talked to her about my dad's sexual abuses the last year, but she has never worried if I am fine or not. I am not fine, mom... please do not expect me to be fine after I was sexually destroyed by my own biological father....

I was raped by an Indian guy about 12 years ago.
After I was raped, I developed Stockholm syndrome.
I kept seeing him. That was very bad...

Gato, I'm so sorry you developed Stockholm Syndrome and that you were raped. Maybe it's related to what your father did too.
What happened, how did you get away from the Indian guy?
You're right, your father deserves all those horrible things.

jasmin wrote:Gato, I'm so sorry you developed Stockholm Syndrome and that you were raped. Maybe it's related to what your father did too.
What happened, how did you get away from the Indian guy?
You're right, your father deserves all those horrible things.

Thank you for your compassion.
There are two knives siting on the desk at my house.
Every time I look at 'em, I remember the day I tried to cut my wrist.

I want to stop surviving. I don't want to survive anymore.
Instead, I want to live. I want to live in peace and happiness.

I used to go out with the Indian guy after I was raped.
One day, my friend and I stayed over night at his house.
Later, my friend told me that he touched her body.

I verified the truth by asking him. He said he did not touch her body.

I got very confused. Why what my friend told me and the Indian guy told me are different.

But before this incident, there were some suspicious things about him.
such as .... he said to me he sometimes touched women's body in train.

The indian guy has never imprisoned me in his house, but I was emotionally imprisoned by him.
I am not ready to talk about this emotional imprisonment.
But I hope to get ready in the future.

It's not your fault that he had that effect on you. He sounds horrible. I'm glad you're away from him now.

jasmin wrote:It's not your fault that he had that effect on you. He sounds horrible. I'm glad you're away from him now.

I feel you sense my guilt within myself. Why...?
I was at an Indian restaurant today. The waiters were Indian men. I got flashback...!!!!!!

I started stubbing my father in my mind. I stub, stub and stub him. I walked down the street after I had meal there. My mind goes away from the reality. In my mind, he is being stubbed stubbed and stubbed. I kept thinking about killing him.

You know, the Indian restaurant should trigger the rape by the Indian guy.
But any triggers related to the rape triggers my father's sexual abuse in the end.
In the end, it's always my father...

Well people who've been abused tend to carry guilt about it. But it's not their fault.


Oh hon, I'm sorry you were triggered. Yah it makes sense, because your father is the first abuser and he had a big influence in your life.