How can I help my sister who was raped/molested by my ex-bf?

Hey everyone. Several years ago, around 5 or 6 years ago, it was discovered that my ex-boyfriend at the time had raped/molested my youngest sister who was 13 almost 14 at the time of the abuse. Well, my mom took this to the police and this man ended up in prison for about 5 years. I'll be honest when I say that I had a hard time believing that my ex-boyfriend had done this at the time and my sister knew I had a hard time believing it too. Really, my entire family had a hard time believing it at one point. But he was convicted and I believe her now. I feel incredibly bad about not trusting my sister. What can I do now to help her continue to heal? I have not brought up even this man's name around her for a long time. I don't want to bring up painful memories for her. What else can I do besides refraining from bringing the situation up?

Hi Cloud,

Unless she brings the issue up again, then I would not mention it. However, if you feel that it is a must, then please just say your apologies once, let her know that you are willing to talk about it at any point, and then leave it at that. People who have been abused might actually be fine dealing with the thoughts in their own head, but when someone else talks to them about it, it can be horrible and terribly uncomfortable. I know this because I am a victim myself and have spoken to others (other victims).

What might be more 'safe' would be to write her a letter outlining your apologies and willingness to help. However, keep it short and dont' follow-up on it unless she approaches you about it.

Good luck and take care,
Kevin

Chucky wrote:Hi Cloud,

Unless she brings the issue up again, then I would not mention it. However, if you feel that it is a must, then please just say your apologies once, let her know that you are willing to talk about it at any point, and then leave it at that. People who have been abused might actually be fine dealing with the thoughts in their own head, but when someone else talks to them about it, it can be horrible and terribly uncomfortable. I know this because I am a victim myself and have spoken to others (other victims).

What might be more 'safe' would be to write her a letter outlining your apologies and willingness to help. However, keep it short and dont' follow-up on it unless she approaches you about it.

Good luck and take care,
Kevin

Oh okay. Thanks Kevin. My sister just turned 20 back at the end of June. She seems to be doing quite well in coping with her past. She even intends to go to college and become a social worker.