After Sexual Assault

Hey, Jennifer! Are you still around? How are things going with your daughter now?

I was raped in Australia. I met one guy at Murray Street Backpackers Hostel. He took me to his house, and made me drink and drugged me and raped. I'm so sad that he raped me while I was not conscious.

This was a rape from the person I know a bit.
But I was also raped by the person I know very well.
In 2009, during Thanksgiving, I was raped by my ex common-in-law person.
His name is *Edited*
I hate him because he raped me.
I was sleeping on the bed.
He came to the bed in midnight and raped me.
It's not allowed to rape unconcious/half-concious person.
Now it's 2012 January. It's been two years and two months since I was raped by my ex-partner.
I was raped multiple times in my life. The last time I was raped was October, 2009 by my ex-partner.

When this year's Thanks giving comes, my record not being raped will reach at three years.

I'm so happy that I have not been raped for two years and two months.
I hope not to be raped any more.
Sometimes, I feel like being raped. I think this is because I'm mentally sick.
I'm mentally sick that is why I feel I like being raped.
I really want to go back to the excitement when I was raped.
I want to feel the feeling that I'm going to die.
I think this is a symptom of PTSD.
I don't want a calmness and a peace. I want a risk.

I don't want to go back to the state when I was raped.
I was raped by my father.
I was raped by my sister
I was raped by a Spanish guy.
I was raped by a Hondulas guy.
I was raped more than 10 times.
I hate being raped.

I want to share my concerns with people after sexual assault. I feel very uncomfortable when I have to talk with men. I really feel uncomfortable...

Today I went to my new landlords' house. They are a man and a woman. They are a married couple. I felt distressed with interactions with the husband. He asked me if I am a student. And I explained my background to him. I wanted to show him that I'm educated. When I have to interact with a man, I feel I have to be obedient or bragging. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to cut this vicious cycle.

My dad use to touch me when i was a kid ( about i am now 21 and i still can't get over it. i want to talk about it but part of me says no, don't you will only make people look at you funny and think you a nasty. how can i talk about this?