in need of some advice

Hi everyone. I just found this board and wanted to get someone's opinion. December 2008 I was raped by a man I had had a relationship with. I was his intern at a law firm, and we began dating (and I realize how absolutely stupid that was), and he wouldn't accept that I didn't want to continue seeing him. One day, he tried to have sex with me, and when I told him I was seeing somebody new, he get angry, beat me, then forced himself on me. I handled it pretty well for a while, the one time I had cried was that night when I got home, but now I don't think I'm handling it that well. I keep dreaming about worms and other people raping me, and I'm really scared to go to sleep at night. I stay awake until 5 or 6 am, when I'm close to fainting with exhaustion, and wake up maybe four or five hours later. I'm tired all day, and I haven't been to one class this semester. I'm probably going to get kicked out of university, but I keep getting panic attacks when I think of going out. Sometimes I get showered and dressed, then just sit there looking at the clock until the class is over, get undressed, then crawl into bed. I don't know why I do this. It doesn't make sense to me, but I just can't go out. I'm seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow, but I'm really nervous right now about it. I'm overreacting, and I know that, and that makes it worse because I know she's going to just tell me that I'm exagerating. I just want to cancel the appointment. Thank you for listening, and if you have any advice or anything, I'm listening.

Hi, purplechewinggum! You're not exagerating, this is just the way you're reacting to what happened to you. If the psych makes you feel like she doesn't take what you went through or your feelings seriously, you don't have to see her. Many survivors or sexual assault get anxiety.
Could you put your classes on hold for a while and maybe go back when you feel better? Have you told any one about it?

I've just picked up the courage to tell my best friend about it, who was extremely supportive. I don't know how to put my classes on hold without having to justify it to my parents, the lawyer is my uncle's friend, and I'm afraid they either won't believe me or will blame me for putting myself in that position. I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry they'd react like that! At least you have your friend. Maybe you can tell them that you've been sick or something and it's better if you put your classes on hold, cause you haven't been doing well in class any way because of the illness.

thank you for your reply! I'm very thankful for having my friend, and hopefully I'll find a way around it.

You are not over-reacting to what you've been through, to deal with something like that is traumatic... You need to talk about it my friend.... it's not an easy thing to deal with on your own.. I couldn't do it, therapy for me was the best thing I could have done. Also talk to other survivors, and I also purchased self-help books on rape, sexual assault & ptsd.

Butterfly Faerie is right.... You should talk to other survivor so that you can get more advise and more strength from them.. It's great that you have your best friend, a friend that willing to listen.

You are in a right forum girl.. Try to read this maybe it will help you.. http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/raped.html ...

Hope You'll be alright soon..

hey chewinggum

you are in no way overreacting. In fact, i'd say you're handling it well seeing as you were able to confide in a friend. Well done!

Hope everything goes well with the psych, update us about that

xxx

purplechewinggum i think you should talk to your friend , family or contact the police. You sound like a very strong. You have accomplished so much with the struggles that you have had in your life. I can't exactly help you with your decision but what I can give you is support. Your story really touched me.
Be true to thyself". I hope this helps you and I will be praying for you. Things have a way of working themselves out. You never know. You never know who you may meet that could change your life and help you through your struggles!

http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/raped.html