...Does this 'count'?

I don't really like putting it that way, but sometimes that's way I think about it. A few weeks ago I was drunk downtown and accepted a ride from two strangers. They seemed friendly and were going toward my neighborhood so I went with them. About halfway there she - the driver - started rubbing my chest and holding my hand, changing her voice, etc. We pulled over by a park and she came into the backseat. Her friend, a gay (my educated guess) guy went out for a cigarette. Meanwhile she kissed me, bit me (a lot! On the tongue, even), touched me, made me touch her, started to take off my belt. I'll have to admit I kissed back a bit, and touched her breast ~ but it was more the automatic response of a frightened thing at the foot of a towering presence. Anyways. He came back in and watched for a bit, and I was able to push her off me by taking her number. For a moment I couldn't find the car door and I thought I might not escape. When I did reach it, she blew a kiss as I left and I didn't turn around.

I've told a number of friends, and they generally have the same reaction about I did: at first they laugh, then they start to feel sorry and grey - liked they realized it was black humor, and the joke was on them. I got very stoned afterward and wrote some awful poetry and came close to crying, though the tears were rooted more in confusion than anger, humiliation or fear. I just don't know what it was. I didn't want it to happen. I feel sad when I think or talk about it. I don't hold any anger toward them. When I think about it now, it feels like another part of me, sectioned off and held by a loose string ~ that the encounter split me into two parts: one that had the experience, and the other that simply knows about it. I don't know if there's a next step for me, I don't know if I want one, need one...I think I just am looking for someone outside myself to acknowledge it as a serious thing, tell me that I was brave, and let me cry a bit and it'll be taken care of.

Hi,
It counts, and since she bit you, that counts as assult, if she had
some kind of disease, HIV, Herpes, Mono etc.
so tell your friends it is not laughing matter, and it is a lot for you
to handle, which you survived.

The best thing you can do is talk about it. Don't turn any guilt inwards.
I suggest not getting wasted and putting yourself in a risky situation, but that still does not make it ok.

Peace,
red

One more thing I feel I need to say: I've mentioned this to a close friend of mine - I happen to be in love with her - and she hasn't really talked with me about it. She was a Women's Studies major and is passionate about issues like assault: but for some reason, maybe it's because I'm not a woman, she hasn't talked about it with me, asked about it, anything. We spend lots of time together. Sometimes I think that she might just not know how I feel, but I would feel guilty to bring it up.

That was assault hon, and yes it counts. She forced herself on you and touched you without your consent.... It's not right at all... I'm sorry.

A man can easily be assaulted even raped, abused etc... it's not always the women only.

Your friend may not know how to feel, perhaps because she hears more about women being abused then men?

I don't think you should feel guilty bringing it up... If she is truly your friend she wont think any less of you.

Mokusai,

men can be assaulted too. I understand how you feel, isolated because so few people understand what happened and how it made you feel. You have every right to feel the way you do, someone assaulted you. Who knows what these two people had planned for you it is a scarey thought. Thank god you survived.

Given all the information we hear about for women being sexually assaulted it's understandable that you feel guilty for bringing up what happened to you with your friend. However, you don't need to feel this way. A friend is there to try to understand what happened and support you in this situation no matter how you feel about it.

You never know it just might help her to understand that we are now getting more information about male sexual assault.

I think you were very brave in what you did, under what was a very frightening situation.

There is a positive in all this and that is a understanding of the dangers of being alone and intoxicated for anyone. Not that I am saying you are to blame, at all. But it's wise to have a safe designated driver to get everyone home safely.

Well i think you're brave for getting out of it, surviving, putting your feelings down on paper, and more importantly, telling people! You're way more brave than i'll ever be and so i commend you on it, you were assaulted and you took action-well done!!

hugs

I went back to the park where it happened (very close to my house) ~ during the day ~ and so many families / kids were out, and pets, and the sun...I'm never a sap for that kind of thing, but it was lovely. If anything is going to come from this now, it will be art.

Thank you so much for the support...communities like this are a silver lining on the dark Internet cloud. Thank you. I won't forget this.

Hi, Mokusai! What happened to you was sexual assault and it was wrong. No one has the right to treat somebody like that and people just react in different ways to unespected, scary situations. Any one who laughs at you is an idiot.
I'm sorry your female friend isn't being very supportive. Maybe you could try telling her that it would mean a lot to you if you had her support. Here is a site for male survivors: http://www.malesurvivor.org/

I behaved so...dumb. I held her hand when she gave it. I was a dumbshit. I didn't want to, but she didn't know that...anyone besides those who could hear my thoughts would suspect I wanted what came to me. As I've told a few friends, I got what I paid for. I was drunk and took a ride from strangers. I won't do it again. I got away with 'mild trauma'. I Robocopped through it. And now I can't talk about it with anyone but you all ~ and I'm so, so, inexpressibly grateful. I'm going to stick around here and see if I can help others the way you all have helped me. I don't have the courage to follow that website link right now. But thank you.

You went into the car, I don't see it as assault since she never forced you on her or surprised you and you returned the favour. not assault.