attracted to danger?

i was running down the road today and this guy stopped me and was asking me for my number. i didn't give it to him, but he said we should go running some time, and that he was 22. then he said something that freaked me out a little.

i was looking at his eyes, and he wasn't looking at me, he didn't look at me once, he was staring past me and he said, "hey, i need some young blood in me" (because i'm younger than him)

at this point, i gave him a fake number and left.

but something in me wanted to give him my real one. something in me was hoping that he would do something horrible to me.

i've found this lately and it disturbs me that i want someone to hurt me badly.

what should i do?

i find myself hanging around guys, just waiting for them to do something

((((((((scarred)))))))) Maybe it's because of everything that you've been through. I sort of remember a similar feeling, like going back to something like that would somehow feel safe because it's more familiar. Don't hang out with guys who might hurt you, please. You must be very triggered as well, but it won't last for ever.

scarred_cutter wrote:i was running down the road today and this guy stopped me and was asking me for my number. i didn't give it to him, but he said we should go running some time, and that he was 22. then he said something that freaked me out a little.

i was looking at his eyes, and he wasn't looking at me, he didn't look at me once, he was staring past me and he said, "hey, i need some young blood in me" (because i'm younger than him)

at this point, i gave him a fake number and left.

but something in me wanted to give him my real one. something in me was hoping that he would do something horrible to me.

i've found this lately and it disturbs me that i want someone to hurt me badly.

what should i do?

i find myself hanging around guys, just waiting for them to do something

No you don't want anyone to hurt you badly hon, but putting yourself in situations of danger is actually not uncommon at all. Alot of victims do do this to see if they can control a situation and be able to get out of it. A lot of people do not get out of a situation like that and end up being traumatized again. But I've been in situations before that I put myself in thinking I could get out and gain control back and I couldn't, only once I could but it was dangerous for me because he could have hurt me more ....

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yeah i do get what you mean...i once asked my best guy friend to help me "re-enact" whatd happened to me so that i could try control it. We planned it carefully and even had a safeword but...when i said it, he ignored me and carried on

Scarred, he had no right to do that to you. I hope you don't have to still see him.

He emmigrated and whenever i get sad and miss him i try remind myself what he was REALLY like as i put up this picture of him in my mind when he left that he wasnt that bad but we went to visit him overseas and he did it again so when i miss him i think of that

Scarred, you have to stay away from these people. He hurt you a lot and he's not your friend or a good person.

Jasmin is right, you know I've been there, you can't get control back by putting yourself in those situations, even if you think you will be able too... nothing good comes out of it ever.

so i went away for the weekend with my church on a youth camp and i kept on trying to get this one guy to come. i've made this promise things to God that i'll try not to SI for six months so i really wanted this guy to come because he doesn't really know his own strength, can't learn to take "that's enough" as a real command and he forgets i'm a girl. so if i spend a day with him i usually walk away a bit battered and bruised. shame, he's a nice guy but he can get carried away.

anyways...so i tried EVERYTHING to get him to come.

he didn't want to because he doesn't like church. i persuaded him. then his parents didn't want to pay and i had to persuade him to beg them. they still wouldn't so I phoned and had a long convo with his mom. the family was going away camping for the weekend but i managed to get him to persuade his mom not to. this took like a week and it was so exhausting!!

so eventually he goes to get the form and they say he can't come, it's too full. so i go and try to persuade the priest and i tried everything but the answer was still no.

personally, i think it was God watching out for me. cause i now realise that it was me trying to SI but just in a way that would make me feel less guilty

anyways...just felt like sharing that

It's smart that you figured that out about yourself. It's a bad idea to keep hanging out with these guys, scarred. Have you ever tried to stay away?