i deserve it

i feel like i deserved it and i feel like i deserve for it to happen again.

i feel like i have nothing to complain about, it wasn't that bad. ok well it was, but maybe if it happens again, maybe then i'll have reason to complain.

i just feel like i'm making a big deal out of nothing

You are not making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe you're hoping that someone will notice your pain and give you the "right" to feel it if it happens again. You have every right to feel the way you do and yes it was very bad. It was horrible and no one deserves it.

scarred_cutter wrote:i feel like i deserved it and i feel like i deserve for it to happen again.

i feel like i have nothing to complain about, it wasn't that bad. ok well it was, but maybe if it happens again, maybe then i'll have reason to complain.

i just feel like i'm making a big deal out of nothing

it was awful and on some level you know that. that is why you have trust issues. If you didnt think it was all that bad...you wouldnt have probs trusting people.
I'm sorry you feel so ashamed of it. I dont know exactly what happened to u..but it wasnt your fault.
like i said in another post..a headshrink of mine said that I blame myself because it gives me a sense of power/control..perhaps that is also the case with you?

i haven't told my parents about the men who did it. only told them about some abuse that happened when i was smaller. i can't tell them of this abuse because they already got so upset over the other one, blaming themselves. it's because i haven't told them...some days i just don't want to get up at all, but they don't know why so i feel like i'm making a big thing out of nothing...not sure if that makes sense?

sometimes it's just so hard to move, but they don't know, so i have to pretend. there's no way i can tell them, but sometimes i wish they knew, so that i wouldn't have to keep pretending that i don't mind going out etc.

Scarred, even if it had only happened once it could still have a big impact on you and your parents should understand this. You don't have to pretend, unless letting them know how you feel would only bring you more grief. What happened to you is important and how they see it will never change that.

No one ever deserves to go through this type of thing no matter what. It's never the victims fault. I don't care if they were drinking or dressed differently etc, no one deserves to be violated at all.

i wasn't drinking or anything, i just wasn't careful enough! the first time a guy did it, i let myself be alone with him! he was my friend, but still. i walked alone on a beach with him and even followed him into the bushes when he told me he'd found something cool there

i even let him walk me back home.

I've read quite a few posts of yours, and you truly seem like the nicest girl. No one deserves to be hurt, but if anyone ever did deserve it, it certainly isn't you.

The things you did are things we do with people we trust, whether it's walking on the beach or watching a movie. Your friend betrayed your trust and that has no reflection on anything you did; let alone deserve.

Incorrigible wrote:I've read quite a few posts of yours, and you truly seem like the nicest girl.

thanks *blushes*

Oh, I didn't mean that in the mushy sense. Just saying you're a really good person.