Drug and alcohol use after rape

First time posting here. I feel really awkward about this.

I was raped in mid-September, so about 2 months ago. I thought I was ok. I never had that self-blame thing, no flashbacks. I chalked it up to being a drunk college kid who got myself into a stupid situation. My best friend (a guy) and I had been out, and I met a guy out at the bar. I told my friend I'd be back, we were going to check out some of the other bars. Long story short, he raped me.

I've only ever told one person, the friend I was with that night. I sorta mentally blamed him for about 3 days, because he had encouraged me to go with the guy. Then I realized I was just upset and the blame belonged with the rapist himself, not my friend.

I haven't really been out to the bars since. I avoid the subject but the couple times it has come up my friend keeps apologizing. "I'm so sorry, he seemed like a good guy. I never would have guess he was a piece of s**t. I'm so sorry." It really weirds me out. What am I supposed to say to that? I tell him it wasn't his fault.

Anyway, the real problem is that ever since, though I look for all the world to have moved on impressively, EVERYTHING makes me cry. Stuff totally unrelated. And I've been drinking a LOT ever since. I liked beer before, but it's basically my constant companion now. And I've also been doing some other drugs, snorting coke and that sort of thing. It keeps all the negative thoughts away, since I can't stop crying at friggin' everything unless I'm drunk or high, or often both.

Does it ever get better? I can't handle the drugs, don't even want them, but I can't seem to function normally so I figure I might as well be high so I don't have to be depressed, too. I've dropped almost $5000 on drugs and booze in the last 2 months. I'm terrified of what this is doing to me. I'm not addicted to the drugs or alcohol, I just don't want to be without them.

Any thoughts?

Hi, htebeloise! Welcome to the forum. It's normal to feel this way. It's how you're dealing with the trauma. I think it's good to let the feelings out, but it might help if you talked about it instead of crying, as that could make you even more depressed.
It was no one's fault but the rapist's. Your friend must feel like he needs to protect you. Do you think you could look for a support group or a therapist who specializes in this? It'd help to talk and get your feelings out that way. You can also post here and you will feel better after a while. You can post when you feel sad or triggered or when ever you feel like it.
Stay away from the drinking and the drugs. If you could find someone to help you, they might give you some meds instead.

I avoid the subject but the couple times it has come up my friend keeps apologizing. "I'm so sorry, he seemed like a good guy. I never would have guess he was a piece of s**t. I'm so sorry." It really weirds me out. What am I supposed to say to that? I tell him it wasn't his fault............ I realized I was just upset and the blame belonged with the rapist himself, not my friend.

Just tell him you're sorry for initially blaming him..and that u finally realized the blame belonged with the rapist.

I would stay away from the coke for a number of reasons..reason #1 $5000... reason #2 It can make u paranoid and trip out worse over the assault...even if it hasnt yet done that


Sorry bout the rape....it totally sux[/quote]

I never told him I blamed him. I didn't say anything to anyone for a week or so, then he asked why I didn't seem as cheerful as usual for the last week and it all just sorta came out. By the time I told him I'd stopped blaming him.

He's always been protective of me (and all the women in his life), ever since we first started hanging out so I wasn't really surprised that he reacted that way. I just wish he'd stop now, it doesn't accomplish anything.

And, speaking of things that accomplish nothing, alcohol and drugs don't help either. They just distract me for a while and cost a lot, which adds to my general misery. Really, it is a ridiculous way to react but I guess my head's a mess.

You need to talk to someone about the rape, even report it if you can. Also the fact that you are now into abusing isn't going to help the situation at all. Is there someone you can call and talk too even to your doctor, perhaps h/er can help you find someone to talk too?

The booze and drugs distracting you wont make it go away hon, even if it does temporarly, and you know by doing them as you are isn't helpful and in the end could make it worse for you.
I've been abused, raped, threatened, and I closed off for awhile, I also blamed myself, felt shameful, got depressed, but I knew once I realized it was an issue, that I had to discuss it, and I did and it was the best thing I could do.

I never reported it to the police, and I don't want to. This is a rural, Southern college town and it seems like the police don't take college kids very seriously, and women even less seriously. I know that sounds sort of counter-productive but as awful as it was, it would just make it worse to have to tell the whole thing to the police. The aforementioned friend said he'd go find the guy and beat him up but I asked him not to. He's got a felony conviction and is on probation as it is.

I just want the whole thing behind me, basically. What's the point of reporting it two months after the fact anyway? The police can't do anything and all the evidence is gone. I was drunk and would have a hard time describing the guy in much detail at all, and I only know a first name. And who even knows if that's real?

(((((((htebeloise))))))) It's going to be ok. You will put this behind you at some point. It's awful that the police wouldn't take it seriously or think poorly of you because of what happened. I hope you can get out of that place one day.

htebeloise wrote:I never reported it to the police, and I don't want to. This is a rural, Southern college town and it seems like the police don't take college kids very seriously, and women even less seriously. I know that sounds sort of counter-productive but as awful as it was, it would just make it worse to have to tell the whole thing to the police. The aforementioned friend said he'd go find the guy and beat him up but I asked him not to. He's got a felony conviction and is on probation as it is.

I just want the whole thing behind me, basically. What's the point of reporting it two months after the fact anyway? The police can't do anything and all the evidence is gone. I was drunk and would have a hard time describing the guy in much detail at all, and I only know a first name. And who even knows if that's real?

I can understand not reporting it, I never reported any of my abuse, so I can understand that.
It'll take awhile before it's behind you hon... a long time... but the more you talk about it, the more you heal from it the easier it'll be ... It took me 12+ yrs of therapy, and about 9 yrs to say that I've reached a healing stage... though you never forget.
Ya 2 months after the fact is hard to do with no evidence, definately tough.

jasmin wrote:(((((((htebeloise))))))) It's going to be ok. You will put this behind you at some point. It's awful that the police wouldn't take it seriously or think poorly of you because of what happened. I hope you can get out of that place one day.

Thanks so much.

I'm applying for grad school somewhere else, I'll be out of here next summer, thank God.

That is great! You're going to do fine