Seeing the light.........

I was in an abusive relationship, more of a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship that is , until my ex- partner became addicted to amphetamines, at the time i was unaware this was what he was doing but on the other hand i had noticed the huge behavoural changes in him, his sleep patterns his moodiness etc. I guess maybe i didn't really want to see what he was really doing, i had enough to deal with. He started going out at night, even when i pleaded with him not too ( being 8mnths pregnant at the time) , and he would stay out all night, sometime not coming home for a few days or even a week or nore at a time, he would leave me with no money, no food and i'd have to borrow off people without them realising what was happening ( very soul destroying) but then sometimes he would come in in the night, usually still high off his drugs, and would make me sleep with him, at first this was just because he would nag and whinge and go on an on at me until i relented, i was just so tired i knew if i slept with him it would be over alot quicker than if he kept me awake arguing about not doing it. But there were occassions when he forced me ..one time in particular was particularly nasty, i was pregnant, he forced me from behind and raped me in my bottom, which was agony. i remember screaming at the top of my voice for him to stop but he didn't until he had finished. I let him get away with it. I did nothing about it. Now we are no longer together thank god , from somewhere i got the strength to leave him but looking back i wonder why i let him get away with doing that to me?? I get flashbacks, i play the whole scene in my mind over and over and wonder is there anything i can do now to put it right ?? It hurts me now as much as it did then, but if i tell who will believe me now???

It hurts me now as much as it did then, but if i tell who will believe me now?

In some jurisdictions, the Police. In Ontario there doesn't seem to be a limitation on how much time can transpire between assault and charge.

Maybe try a sexual assault center or hotline.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I doubt there's anything you can do to make it right. You can try to get justice but that has it's own benefits and disappointments.

When he forced you or you felt the need to because of whatever he would do to you is still rape, it's called corecion, something i've been through, making you sleep with him is illegal and is rape even if you did not put up a fight, or say know, the fact that you were forced was extremely wrong. I'm sorry.

I guess i just want him to get some come uppance for all the hurt he has caused. I know what he did was very very wrong and i always believed that i would never be the kind of person that allowed this to happen to her. But it has happened and i think what hurts the most is that i let it continue to happen time and time again on different levels.
At this moment in time i don't think i'm strong enough to go through the lenghty process of court etc etc. I suppose what i really need is to make some sense in my own mind of all that has happened. But what i do know is that he hasn't won, he didn't break me and i am going to be a stronger person at the end of all this, and more so than anything else i am a better, nicer person than he could ever attempt to be, and ultimately, what goes around comes around and he will get his dues one day.

Hi, inneedofsome help! It's not your fault that this happened to you and you did what you thought was right at the time, to protect yourself. You're a much better person than he could ever be.

it's great that you're determined that you're not broken and that he hasn't destroyed you, well done!! We all might think that in that situation we would never keep quiet, but no one ever knows until they're there. I used to think that if anyone ever did anything like what's been done to me that i would tell immediately, but when it did happen, it's different you know?

So just wanted to let you know you're not alone on that!