The... "why didn't I say no"

Thanks yellowrose Blame is on the perp.

Tristen,
I dont know your whole story , but what I have read , I can relate to how you feel , I have had this happen to me , where I got drunk or they drugged me in my drink and it made me pass out and I would sometimes come to in the middle of things they were doing to me , and it would be a blur, ~~~

I jsut want to tell you I am so sorry this happened to you , it was wrong of him, you are NOT at fault, the way I see it , you did what you needed to do to keep your self alive, under whatever influence he might have added to it , your survival instict kicked in to keep you alive and as safe as you could possibly be in that situation~~

I dont see you as passive , I see you as smart and very courageous even under the influence of drinking or his maybe also drugging you , you didnt give in , you did what you had to do , to stay alive , those are lies in your head in my opionion as you grieve this tragedy , you were a victim to a terrible crime and I was foolish enough when I was younger to stay friends with the guys that did alot of wrong to me, when I wasnt drunk or drugged, we all have our coping ways, and they are diff at diff times, you know in your heart , he is in the wrong ,NOT YOU AT ALL~~ I think when we have had these things happen , it brings on lots of pain and shame, and we feel used and abused, which can bring on self loathing and it is because we are taking on healing and dealing and the ones that should feel the yuk is the awful ones that are so out of control with their own issues to take advantage of us as they did ~~ shame on them , they should feel dirty , it is us that want to believe in the goodness of ppl that get ourselves into trouble, we have to make it our fault to keep them good, because it is terrifying to realize the cruelty of some ppl for me~~

Your core person did say no inside , in my opinion it was survival at this point, all sorts of ppl have diff opinions of what to do , fight or dont fight , we all do what we feel we need to do for survival , sometimes I wish I had die* , the wounds are so deep and painful~~

YOU are a fighter and I have faith you will get thru this , you are strong, put the blame where it belongs and it is on him , I would stay away from him or talking to him, you know the TRUTH and a person as he doesnt want truth or care, he may say words , but he is selfish and wants only what he wants and you deserve better, ppl make mistakes and we are to forgive for our benifit , but doesnt mean we are to associate with them , we are called to love ppl and forgive them in our hearts, but not to like them and hang with them , this would not be a wise decision, stay safe, I am really havign a hard time , so dont if I am making any sense at all, so sorry hope I didnt offend, I dont know your whole story and cant read and concentrate very well myself right now, yellowrose9