Another troubled couple

Hmmmm, I'm trying very hard not to think of all this as being my fault, but that's me - always reconsidering if I did something wrong and it's tons of mistakes... OK, she's not perfect, neither am I, so hardest thing now is that I know I'm doing all this because of her and maybe even that will not be enough.

I managed to get her to meet with that ex guy who avoided her all this years, but kept in touch with occasional call making her think she is still in love. That's so unfair... I can only hope that he will finally be able to explain to her what she should do and what are her prospects with him or with me. I know it's awful from me to expect that she will somehow overcome her doubts and 'choose' me, but I can't help that either... it sounds pathetic, but I still love her.

It may be some time until I get sorted out and my worst fear is that when I get through all that, she isn't there any more. But then again, I'll finally be able to say that I REALLY did all I could, that I gave my best shot and everything I got. If it's not enough, it's not... We'll see what will happen in upcoming days...

Love is worth fighting for and you should be proud of yourself for staying so strong through all this, but I am sure that it is not all your fault. You're suffering here too and it takes two people to be in a relationship. I hope she will finally make up her mind. That guy was being cruel to her.

Me and my girlfriend came a long way in this last 30 days or so. We talked about everything, she told me her deepest secrets and fears, I think I also recognized many things that bother me. After all, I found that I have sexual performance anxiety, not only with her, but always had it, just never really thought about it. We can't keep going in discussing all that over and over again since it only makes things worse.

We agreed to try and just relax and see what happens. When talk over internet, when we see each other, when we have sex... we don't need to discuss what I've found on Google about what bothers us but try to enjoy what we have. It's not ignoring problems, just not letting them take over our relationship. Everybody has problems and occasionally makes some of them unnecessary difficult.

After all, we are officially together only for 6 months (almost, on July th 10th ) and maybe we rushed a little all this living together, family, kids stuff. Like that great line in 'When Harry met Sally' -"...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible..." and thats how we got carried away and became obsessed with all things that had to surface sometime. I guess it's called getting to know someone very, very well.

Since my dear (I know calling her like this makes her sick ) is reading this thread last few days, I think I shouldn't write here anymore. She agrees on some of the stuff I wrote, but thinks we should let this go and try to enjoy ourselves.To me it means she hasn't given up on us yet. And I don't want to keep in my head dark thoughts that come up when I post or read this forum. It's nothing wrong with it, I just need to start think positively.

It has been so helpful in a way that I (or we) could share my thoughts and problems because of the nature of our situation. Like some form of group therapy from home. Thanks all for your support, especially thanks to jasmin, this all helped so much... I hope I'll come back some day to describe how happy we are together...

Good bye, people, and all the best to everyone who has troubles which bring him here.

(((((((((KingForADay))))))))))) I'm happy for you. Taking it easy sounds good. Enjoy eachother and I hope you will be very very happy

well, it lasted this long...

we had great evening last night, talked about going over to her parents, about making dinner with some friends this week, about my birthday which is in a month, she knew everything I need from T-shirts to pants and what talked what to buy me... and then, later, she had to admit one final thing - that she cheated on me in the beginning of march and felt very bad about it ever since. She thought that she will fall for that guy but she was in fact loving me... and now, she thinks she could do it again so she doesn't want to hurt me anymore... I guess she could, but after all she said to me, I think she would never think about it... then, we had some drunk sex which was probably awful, I can't remember even, then we laid to sleep together and I think i started to cry 'I can't handle this anymore', she suddenly got out of bed, packed all my stuff, yelled how she doesn't love me and threw me out.

And now... I know that she doesn't mean it, but I'm completely lost... All this talk about getting it easy, relaxed, I was great, last two days, on top of the moon, and now this... I don't know... it's total mess in my head...

Please put yourself first. I think this girl has problems and she might not be able to give you the kind of relationship that you deserve. Maybe she needs some therapy or at least someone to really talk to about this first and heal.
It is very cruel of her to treat you like that. You shouldn't be suffering so much. Maybe you need to let her go.

i'm still crying... whole day... and waiting for her still... i'm total mess now... all this about job, work, money, it's all gone and I don't want anything now... it's all empty now... i'm not sucidal, I don't worry about that, but i have no clue what to do next, everything broke down just as it seemed it started to move...

((((((((((((KingForADay)))))))))))) It is not your fault. You must be feeling very sad, but you still have your whole life in front of you. You will find new work and get over this pain that your relationship caused. I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. There's always hope.

Well, I guess it`s my turn now after a year or so... I`m THE girlfriend he was fighting so much for and guess what? Now that I`m finally OK and have come to peace with myself, the rapist and the rest of the world, he doesn`t want me anymore. He says his feelings are gone, he has given up on us and doesn`t want to give me another chance. Lucky me, right On top of that all, my father was diagnosed with Parkinson`s disease and I`m really going through a rough period, but he doesn`t give a damn... And one more thing: he has no problem sleeping with me, having sex with me, but refuses to admit he still has some feelings and give it another go... So, what can I tell you people? I`m a wreck and I have never felt so terrible in my life and it`s all because of the man who DECIDED (and that`s a quote) to give up and not to care any more... Everybody keeps telling me to give up, too and to move on because I can`t make anyone love me if they don`t want it, but to tell you the truth it`s easier said than done: we`ve been through a lot and I know I was at times so cruel to him, but it wasn`t because I hated him or something... it was only because I didn`t know how to handle all of that... To make things even worse, the sex is better than ever and I could even say it`s the best one I`ve had in my entire life, and you all know how difficult it is for someone like me (although I don`t prefer to be called a victim, I know I am) to relax, enjoy and trust somebody enough to have amazing sex... So, I don`t know what to do and how to go through this because I really need him and all he says is that he doesn`t feel anything and he doesn`t want anything from/with me... Once again: I know I`ve been a disaster and the whole relationship was a mess, but I`m scared that the one person I finally started to trust and love has left me for good... I just don`t want to lose him and I`m afraid I have... ((