Raped and facing court

First of all hello to all the members on the forum and Secondly I'm sorry to those who have had to go through this.

I'm a new members to the forum and decided I needed to join a Rape forum following my attack 19 days ago.

Where do I start?

I have three sons aged 15, 13 & 12 and on daughter whos 4. In January my 15 year old son telephoned me asking if one of his 21 year old friend could stay with us for a couple of weeks until he found his own place as he had nowhere else to stay. So me being kind hearted gave my son's friend a roof over his head rent and food free for 3 months and even gave him money to travel back to his home town once a fortnight to see his dad and to sign on for job seekers (benefits).

Things was going ok. He used to call me mum and I called him son. Then on the 29th March 2008 my sister text me asking if I wanted to meet up with her and her boyfriend in the pub. So off we (me, my son's girlfriend and my son's friend) went to meet my sister. We was in the pub for about an hour when one of my son's other friend came walking in who also knew my son's girlfriend and the friend who was staying with us.

We was talking as normal while in the pub and having a laugh and joke like you do when my son's friend who was living with us said to my son's girlfriend that he was going to have a joke with the lad who came into the pub to join us by saying he had feelings for me, so we just laughed it off and thought nothing more of it.

When all four of us (me, my son's girlfriend, the lad who was living with us and my son's other friend who came into the pub) got back to mine we was sat watching music channels and I decided to head off to bed visiting the bathroom first. As I came out the bathroom I heard my son's girlfriend talking so thought all three of them was in my son's bedroom. So I walked into my bedroom and turned out the light to go to bed I noticed the lad who was staying with us on my bed, so I asked him why he wasnt sleeping downstairs and he told me he was waiting for my son's girlfriend and the other friend to go to sleep before he went downstairs to bed. I told him I was going to sleep now as I had to be up for 4am and this was around 2.45am, so I got into bed fully clothed and just as I was about to go to sleep I felt his arm come across me and he went to kiss me. I told him 'I don't want any of this as I don't see you as being anything more than my son's friend and you have a girlfriend and I also have a boyfriend who I love'. He then backed off as my son's girlfriend came into my bedroom asking if she could borrow my lighter and she said "I thought you was sleeping downstairs?" and he replied "I am going to do in a minute when B** goes to sleep as he'll think something is going on then between me and Karen", so my son's girlfriend went into my son's bedroom to head for bed. I then told him "I'm going to sleep now so i think you better go downstairs" and the next thing I knew he was on top of me and taking my clothes off etc... I'll not go into detail as I dont want to offend anyone. But it felt like the attack lasted for half an hour or so but infact it was only a matter of about a minute.

After I managed to get away from the attacker I grabbed my dressing down and ran into my son's bedroom to tell my son's girlfriend and B** but the lad was right behind me and felt scared so I couldnt tell them... I spent the following night at my boyfriends as my children was away at there fathers that weekend. I felt safe at my boyfriends and wanted to phone the police but my boyfriend was working and didn't want to be bringing the police round to his house without him being there, as we had only been together for over a month and didn't know how he would take it. When I got home on Sunday my daughter was home and felt safe as my daughter sleeps in bed with me and my oldest son was at his dads until the following day (monday) so as soon as he came home I told him what had happened and then I told his girlfriend. Thats when I contacted the police.

I was due to meet my boyfriend outside work at 6am ob the day of the attack which is why I was ment to be up for 4am and I ended up sending him a text at 5.30am telling him I had over slept.

My boyfriend knows now about the attack and so do all my family. My only regret is that I should of reported it to the police sooner. I have never had to go through this before (thank god) and my head was all over the place. I wanted to tell my son before I told the police. I could of phoned him or text him but felt it wasnt right giving him that type of news over the phone.

I went to a Safe Centre and had all DNA taken and photographs etc... I also had an injection for Hepititis B which I have to have the 2nd injection done by my doctor and there will also be a 3rd injection for it as well. I also have to make an appointment to be checked for any STD (Sexual Transmitted Diseases).

My attacker was arrested the night after I reported it to the police. They locked him up at the police station where he lives and then was transported over to my local police station for questioning on the sunday and appeared in court on the Monday morning.

My attacker has pleaded not guilty and told police he slept with his girlfriend in my bed on the Saturday night (the night I was at my boyfriends house), his also said his girlfrined had wiped herself on my clothing, which his girlfriend has confirmed to be rubbish.

I have been video interviewed as well as my son's girlfriend, B**, my attackers girlfriend (now ex) and my son has also been video interviewed.

My attacker got Bail and his terms are that he stays in his own town of Chesterfield (England), His not allowed to come into the Blackburn Area (my area where I live), his got a curfew from 8pm til 8am, his to check in at his local police station everyday between 12pm and 2pm. The police have took his mobile phone off him, his expired Passport and his been told not to apply for any other passport. His also not got to contact any witnesses and myself at anytime which include via email, Myspace, bebo etc... If he does then we have to contact police straight away... but I've blocked him from all of them anyway.

It has also come to light that my attacker also sexual assualted my son's girlfriend back in Febraury 2008. Then the week after the attack its also been brought up by another friend of my son that my attacker has been charged for indecent assualt before.

My attacker has been charged with 2 counts of rape on myself and 2 counts of sexual assualt on myself and my son's girlfriend. Even though I was only raped once its the way it happened as to why they are classing it as 2 rapes.

I'm seeing a Rape councillor on the 23rd, which I think will help a great deal. The DNA results usually take about 6 weeks to come back, so that should nail my attacker to the floor basically!

Oh yeah, its going to court in July as his pleaded not guilty. If anyone could give me any advice that would be good and thankyou.

I'm sorry if my post seems all mixed up, just wanted to get it off my chest and out somewhere so not really put it in order or anything, just typed as its come into my head.

Like I say any help and advice would be great and thankyou in advance for anythign that comes my way.

Hi, PantherCub! Welcome to the forum. He had no right to do that to you. It's great that the police are treating you well and that you have a chance to put him away. I hope someone can relate a bit better to this situation and offer some advice about going to court. I'm sure the Rape counsellor will help and you are welcome to talk here any time.

Thankyou Jasmin

You're welcome

Wow. This was so recent you must still be sorting out what happened and just beginning to deal with the resulting emotions. I am so sorry that this happened to you, but hopefully this scumbag will be put away for what he did to you and your son's girlfriend. I am glad you were able to report what happened and seek justice. Take advantage of the counseling as long as possible.

I hope that you are able to find peace at the end of all this chaos. Keep posting.

Thankyou chickadee.

The CID officer who is in charge of my case came to see me yesterday and my son's girlfriend asked her about councilling as another officer is ment to be sorting out some councilling for her and the CID officer said that they rather the victims didn't seek councilling until after the court case, but somehow feel this is wrong because the victim needs the help and support from someone when something like this has happened.

Thankyou for those who have read my post so far xxx

I keep having so many things going around in my head at the moment about the court case. For example, what if I forget soemthing? what if they try to make it out as being my fault? when I know deep down that its not me to blame and its like my brother keeps telling me that I told him no and I didnt want it to happen and thats good enough just saying no and to stop.

Thankyou once again x x x

I sent you a PM panthercub,

I got to give you kudos, I'm a survivor of rape, domestic violence etc, and was never able to go forward with charges, it takes amazing strength!

PantherCub, it's not unlikely that they will try to make it out to be your fault, but just be honest and try to stay calm. Any judge or jury will despise them for taking that position with you... it's not a smart tactic. You did nothing wrong. Make that your mantra.

Best of luck and go see that therapist as soon as you feel like it. It's 100% your prerogative to decide what happens to you.

Hello Friends,

I thought I would drop by while Im on the computer (kids usually take it over lol).

Anyway, I went to hospital last week for the tests and they said it takes about 3 weeks fo the results to come back. The doctor told me that due to the reason for the tests (r@pe) they'll tell me the result even if its all clear. I had my 2nd Hepatitis B injection while I wa the and also had blood taken for HIV but Ive to go back at end of this month for another Hepatitis B injection and then back again in July for another HIV test as its takes 3 months to show. I had an HIV test done while I was there just basically to clear the fact I didnt have it before the r@pe.

I went to see my doctor on Thursday and she's given me some Diazepam to take at night to try and help me sleep, so far there not working but I've to go back to see her tomorrow. She also wants me to see a councillor as soon as due to a history of depression as well. She told me to contact the safe centre and arrange a councillor through them as they specially trained for r@pe councilling. I have telephoned the safe centre and left a message on the answerphone but not had any reply yet, so I'm going to ring them again tomorrow.

The DNA results should be back anytime... I cant wait! seem to be dragging.

You will be ok, Panthercub! The results will be fine, you'll see. Talking to someone is a good idea, and you have us too.