I didn't think this would happen...

I'm sorry to hear that Radames. It's so horrible, because at first I just thought it was the guy being a predator. But the more I thought about it, the more her actions seemed suspect.

Today I found it hard to get out of bed. I've been having these panicky moments, and I start to replay what happened in my head, and try to think what I could have done differently to prevent it.

I have to go to work tonight....I called in sick the last two days because of what happened. I'm a bartender, and this girl sometimes comes in...and I can't remember if i told the guy where I work...

Truth is...I bartend in a stripclub...she's sometimes a dancer there...

I've only been there a few months, and only because the money is good. But I'm starting to wonder if I should get out of that environment, look where it's got me so far?

Argh...I'm panicking again.

You don't have to work there any more, if you don't want to. You shouldn't have to be around her, becouse it may trigger you. Maybe if you could tell someone that you turst at work, it would make you feel a bit better.
It's normal to feel this way now, but it won't last for ever. Do only what you are comfortable with. Maybe you can take a few more days off from work or just never go there again, if that is what you want.

She hasn't called me, even though I left a message.

I hate it there, and I told my boyfriend I want to quit. I just have to find another job, hopefully before the end of March.

I got really angry today, I imagined punching and kicking this guy. I guess that's all normal, I hope it is at least.

For now, I have to go to work. I'm afraid being in that enviroment will trigger me. I guess I just have to remind myself not all guys are sh*t low-lifes.

What happened has been a big trigger for past abuse that I've experienced. It's been years and years since the last time, but something like this makes it feel raw again. My boyfriend is trying to be there for me, and keeps trying to make me laugh, and hug me, and say 'It's ok, you'll be ok'. But part of me just wants to shake him and say 'YOU DON"T GET IT, IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY!" , but then I wonder if I'm over-reacting.

You're not over reacting. We all feel anger and mistrust for others if we've been abused. You can concentrate on finding a new job and getting out of that place.
It must be difficult becouse your boyfriend doesn't understand sometimes, especially since this is bringing back memories of other abuse. I know what it's like to have to keep it to yourself. You can talk about what happened in the past too, if you want. We'll be here to listen.

Hey Chaos_theory, I am so sorry this happened to you.
Something similar happened to me not that long ago, too, so I know how you feel. At first I was shocked, then depressed and guilty, then I started feeling dirty and felt like it was all my fault, I was lost and scared, I couldnt talk to anyone about it. I would think about it all the time and I started to believe I was over-reacting. I tried to forget all about it, but it always seem to creep in to my thoughts and I started doing stupid things, destroying myself to try to feel »normal« again. Even now it sometimes seems impossible for me to get out of bed in the morning and do all of the things I am supposed to do. I panic sometimes, start shaking and am unable to breathe. I know exactly what you mean with
»But part of me just wants to shake him and say 'YOU DON"T GET IT, IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY!" , but then I wonder if I'm over-reacting.« I told a friend and they tried their best to comfort me and I've always pretended I was fine, even when all I wanted to do was shout at the top of my lungs that I am not all right, that it is not ok, that they don't understand, that it effects everything I do and that I can't take it anymore.
I'm sorry this post is all about me. What I was trying to say was I'm here for you, I understand. PM me if you want to talk.
I also think that getting a new job is a good idea, I hope you find one soon.
I hope you're ok and I hope your partner gets better. I wish you both all the best.

I can attest to the fact, in my life, that changing jobs can be a refreshing escape.

Thankyou Mistaken, it great to know you understand. I wonder how people who do that stuff to others live with the guilt, surely they must feel guilt? It's sick, and cowardly. Did you ever confront the person who assaulted you? I hope that you are having more good days than bad. Hugs!

Today has been a good day! I laughed, and found I wasn't thinking about it all the time.

I've accepted that I'm not likely to hear back from this girl 'friend' of mine, and she is a very dark individual if she played a part in it. How another woman can do that I don't know.

Radames, you're so right. I'm starting to look for another job already. Fingers crossed.

We'll all be keeping our fingers crossed for you. You'll find a good job, you'll see

I sometimes wonder how they feel too. I don't wish anything bad to happen to the person who hurt me, I just hope that all this pain and suffering will amount to something good. We are both hurting now, I guess, I just hope he learns something from it and not do this anymore and I hope I can take this negative and turn it into a positive, become a greater and stronger person for it. But I guess it is different for me since the person who did this was someone very close to me.
I'm glad you had a good day yesterday! I hope you have as many happy moments as possible.
And I agree with jasmin. We'll all be keeping our fingers crossed. Good luck!

I'm sorry you went through what you did.
As in terms of it getting better?
It does. I'm reality of that.
I dealt with a lot, and deal with survivors daily as well.
Time does heal, even though a lot of people do not believe that it does because it could take months or years. For me it took a good solid 8 yrs to say ok it happened, it was rape, it was abuse etc... so I started a support forum 2 yrs back to help others, because I reached a certain spot it my healing that I could that that.

I'm here if you need to talk, I've not been on here in awhile, been busy and dealing with some things, hang in there.