Loving it - turning me on

Not if psychical violence occurs, that makes me sick but there is something about watching rape in films like Irreversible and being raped that really turns a part of me on, an irreversible thing if you will.

Is there something a little wrong with that or just a fantasy thing ?

Hi, Tiger. I know I've told sort of talked about this before. I don't think it's something you should hate yourself for. I guess lots of people have a fetish like this, maybe becouse they've been abused or maybe there are other reasons as well.
Do you feel like it's sick or like the fact that this turns you on is hurting you?

I don't hate myself for it but I just realize its not in the norm to feel such a way.

Maybe through being abused, in a non threatening way and also a threatening way - which the latter sort of almost never happened because I was on speed or something and I went to the police after ( a few years) and they said the guy was in jail the whole time and had been for a long period of time, so to them I was making it up but then how can I recall every detail of it, even until now, except the actual location because it was late at night and I was in an unfamiliar area in my city where I live.

Anyway getting back on my point.

I guess it is a fetish, I don't feel like its sick just a little twisted but I enjoy it, I have limits but I think its one of those things that will interfere with my interactions with me in general, no matter what kind of setting, profession, casual. It doesn't hurt me or make me feel bad about myself. I guess its more of an isolation thing where I feel I'm the only one into it and it makes me think because normal sex doesn't turn me on.

Well, you don't have to be like every one else. If you're not hurting anybody, it's not wrong. Try to accept who you are and maybe others will accept it too. I don't know what else you could do. I'm sorry the police didn't belive you about your abuse. It's not fair.