Dating a rape victim?

Maybe you can tell her about this forum and she'd join. Or you can offer to help her find a therapist or support group too. You couldn't have known what was going to happen. Any one can be assaulted and it's not your fault. I hope she knows she's lucky to have a friend like you.
Did you say that you are married? Maybe that has something to do with your guilt. Sorry if I misunderstood.

I've sent her the link, but I'm not sure if she has looked into it yet - that's the other part that has me ripped up inside. I thought I was the sort of person that could be more helpful, but aside from assuring her that it was not HER fault, and that I am having the guilts about not being there when she needed me the most, I don't seem to be doing much good to help her deal with this. Despite my various pleas, I don't think she is ready to unload on anyone yet, and I have a hunch it would best if it was another woman or someone who has been down this road before. She recently told me she said something to a mutual friend we both know, but I don't know if she is telling me that to make me feel better... and still suffering inside.
That's the crazy thing - she is so wonderful that she's more worried about me than herself. What a great woman.

And yes, I am married - but that's another story that has been going on for over a year, and it ain't helping.... things are getting kinda tough around here, too.
But enough about me.

ps - I also told M'Love that if she did choose to join here, but didn't want me to see, she only needs to say so. So if I just vanish one day, you'll know why....

Ok, we'll know why if you dissapear. Maybe it's too soon for her, but she might change her mind and decide to talk to someone. It would be good to talk to someone who's been through something similar, like you said. We'd do everything we can to give her support and understanding.
Please don't blame yourself. The abuser is the one responsible and you can't protect your friends all the time. You can't know when something like this might happen.

There are times when I think I'm having a tougher time with this than she is, but I don't see how that could make sense. I've had some damn ugly nightmares, but not for a week or two now. Maybe that's a good sign.

I've heard that some people experience physsical pain if someone they love is going through it, like in childbirth. Maybe it's like that. Maybe you have PTSD becouse of what happened to your friend.

I would not be a bit surprised at that - I have developed a thing (not often, but a few times since it happened) when I suddenly have a violent "retching" episode, like dry-heaving. It usually passes in a few minutes, and then maybe several days befor it re-appears. But it's no fun.

I need to be with her to hold her and comfort her, but right now I just can't. My Dad is slowly dying, too - everything seems to suck these days.

I'm sorry this is happening with your dad too. Maybe you could try to talk to a counsellor.

All I can say is I wish the guy I'm seeing thought like you

Hi everyone,

I'm an NYU journalism student and I'm researching for a reporting story about men dealing with the rape or assault of a loved one and what they do to try to cope and help. I found this blog and have read the posts, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind talking to me and allowing me to interview any of you. Full names wouldn't be used, so it's confidential. If you're interested in doing this I would really appreciate it. As you said, there aren't many outlets for the friends of victims of crimes like this, and the more educated people are about the issue the more things can be done to change that.

Sincerely,

Meredith