was it rape? is it my fault?

last year, three guys who i thought were my friends snap chatted me while i was under the influence of sleeping tablets. They told me they wanted to have a threesome, i thought they were joking and brushed it off. Next thing i know they are outside my house in a car. I panicked and i told them i would come outside, only in hopes to get them to go away. I stupidly enough got in the car and they drove away. they told me they all wanted to have sex with me, i told them no that it wasn’t happening, and i kept saying it, they kept giving me options but i told them it wasn’t happening. They laughed about playing a rape game. I didn’t want to do it. I told them it wasn’t happening. But they didn’t listen. I went into their house and i let it happen. i did what they asked me to do, and i let them do it to me. I didn’t want any of it at all, but i gave up trying to stop it. i was high off of my sleeping tablets at that stage i couldn’t think clearly, I acted like i was fine when it was happening, but i wasn’t, i wanted to scream and cry and runaway but my body wasn’t letting me. I was afraid, there was three of them and one of me. I done nothing. When i was finally home i cried myself to sleep and scrubbed myself in the shower because i felt disgusting. Does this count as rape even though i said it wasn’t happening but i gave up and done it? was it my fault? i was sexually involved with two of the guys before this happened. But i never wanted this to happen with the three of them, i didn’t want to do it and i thought by me saying it wasn’t happening, i was saying no. Am i to blame?

Very sorry that happened to you. I wouldn't blame yourself for this, you are not responsible for their actions. You made it clear that you didn't want it to happen, but they took advantage and overrode your wishes. Giving up resisting is not the same as giving consent. If they mentioned a rape game, they clearly knew what they were doing was wrong.

If this is bothering you, you could call one of the sexual assault or rape crisis hotlines. They will listen and can provide counseling. You aren't alone, this kind of thing happens far more than it should, it's very wrong and you shouldn't have to carry the burden for it.