16 years old, in desperate need of advice.

Hello, [mod edit]
I am 16 years old, and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in the last year, because my symptoms have progressively been getting worse since the 6th grade.

Here is where I need advice, This past Tuesday, I was raped, and I haven't been coping with it at all. Everyday since then I break down crying, and can't handle any of it.When it happened, I called my ex, and she helped me. But now anytime I contact her, she just tells me she needs space.

Last night, my mom and I got into a minor argument, something that could've been completely avoided, but I blew it out of proportion, and ran away after the situation turned into a screaming match. I stayed outside in the snow until midnight, I left at 10pm.

I called my ex-girlfriend. We broke up 8 months ago, and I've been in contact with her for the past two months. Last night I called her because I was broken down, and needed someone, but I refused to talk to my parents. She blew me off.

Now It's the next day. and I am EXTREMELY depressed, basically suicidal. I just don't want to feel so guilty and depressed all the time. I go to therapy once a week, and I have a psychiatrist. I have no motivation for anything. All I can do is cry, and scream in frustration.

What do I do to get motivation? What do I do....for anything? I don't know what to do anymore....I'm not sure what I'm hoping to gain from posting this, but hopefully I'll gain something. Thanks in advance.

I am so sorry for what happened to you. Please know this is not your fault. Someone made a choice to hurt you and that guilt belongs to them. I understand the need for someone to talk to, but the ex girlfriends putting you off could be adding to what you are already feeling. If you have a good relationship with one or both of your parents, I'm sure they would want to help you through this. If you don't think your parents will understand, there is a *mod edit* (specialist sexual abuse and rape helpline) that might offer some help in finding local resources. I hope you will consider contacting them. It may be the best way to start healing and feeling motivated.