My gf was raped and I'm having a hard time processing it.

My gf has always been honest with me and during our first dates she told me that before we met, a guy attempted to rape her while he was drunk. She told me that she managed to escape of the situation and that everyting was fine. But the other day she confessed that she was indeed raped while she was super drunk.

I have always been afraid of what alcohol does to people (people can cheat, put themselves in danger etc) and when she goes out with her friends I'm usually kind of nervous because she likes to drink, but I think that I have always kept it in a sane way, but since she told me that experience it's been very bad for me. The worst thing is that today she is going to a party and since I woke up it has been a nightmare for me, I can't imagine how would I feel at night and the ones to come.

What can I do to take the fear of alcohol away from me? What can I do to trust my couple when she has been through bad experiences and keeps liking alcohol?

TLDR: My gf suffered bad experiences because of alcohol and everytime she goes out I feel completely anxious and sad.

Hey, I'm the mod that approved your post- just so you know, I moved it around a few times, in order to let both the Relationship forum, and the one you posted to, Rape/Sexual Assault, see it and be able to respond.... there's a 'shadow' of this in Relationships that will redirect here.

So if I'm reading you right, it's not so much that you feel different in your attraction or anything towards her upon learning she's been raped while drunk... but you question her drinking and worry that she'll place herself in a similar situation, right?

Have you spoken with her about any of this and expressed your concern about her drinking when not with you? I can't say I wouldn't be concerned, if I were in your shoes.

There is one thing about this that does not ring true for me, statistically speaking rape is the single largest cause of psychiatric trauma. Yet I get the impression that even after such an experience your girlfriend is still going out and drinking heavily with little regard for her own safety. While rape is never the fault of any but the perpetrator, repeating the action that put her at risk the first time around seems bizarre.

It feels as if you are more concerned about what might happen to her than she is.

Perhaps I am reading this wrong but under those circumstances, in your position I would be thinking that perhaps the term "rape" was being used to lessen responsibility for a drunken betrayal. Or alternately her need for alcohol was capable of superseding her instinct for self-preservation, and should probably be treated as a substance-abuse issue.

Like Snaga I don't believe that your emotional response is unreasonable, and would personally conclude that the issue lies with her rather than yourself. In either case opening a discussion about it is the logical first step.

Snaga wrote:Hey, I'm the mod that approved your post- just so you know, I moved it around a few times, in order to let both the Relationship forum, and the one you posted to, Rape/Sexual Assault, see it and be able to respond.... there's a 'shadow' of this in Relationships that will redirect here.

So if I'm reading you right, it's not so much that you feel different in your attraction or anything towards her upon learning she's been raped while drunk... but you question her drinking and worry that she'll place herself in a similar situation, right?

Have you spoken with her about any of this and expressed your concern about her drinking when not with you? I can't say I wouldn't be concerned, if I were in your shoes.

We have talked about it but she tells me that she can take care of herself now. I have suggested that she can invite me to some parties so she can feel safer and all but she says she doesn't want to make her friends feel that she doesn't have time for them anymore. So it's kind of complicated, I don't want to look like the boyfriend that doesn't want her gf to go out and have fun it's just that I'm worried about some situations, a couple of parties ago some people put something in her drink and got drunk with not too much alcohol and it was supossed to be a trustworthy environment...

Quoth wrote:There is one thing about this that does not ring true for me, statistically speaking rape is the single largest cause of psychiatric trauma. Yet I get the impression that even after such an experience your girlfriend is still going out and drinking heavily with little regard for her own safety. While rape is never the fault of any but the perpetrator, repeating the action that put her at risk the first time around seems bizarre.

It feels as if you are more concerned about what might happen to her than she is.

Perhaps I am reading this wrong but under those circumstances, in your position I would be thinking that perhaps the term "rape" was being used to lessen responsibility for a drunken betrayal. Or alternately her need for alcohol was capable of superseding her instinct for self-preservation, and should probably be treated as a substance-abuse issue.

Like Snaga I don't believe that your emotional response is unreasonable, and would personally conclude that the issue lies with her rather than yourself. In either case opening a discussion about it is the logical first step.

I mean, I don't want her to be always afraid and all, it's good that she has fun in parties with her friends. But the way she mentions that she likes alcohol and stuff is kind of weird. I actually asked her about it and she told me that even though that happened when she was drunk she would never turn her back on her love for alochol, but also, would never let herself to be as drunk as she was that time in order to protect herself and myself. The thing is in the wrong environment that can change I guess...

First off... I hadn't heard of anyone wanting to go to parties without their b/f like that....

And the rest of it.....

This all sounds like trouble for you down the road, you ask me.