*r* *t*

I have been thinking about you Smurf and hoping your absence was for good reasons. Sorry you are back here, and I hope the last few months have been productive and peaceful.

Right now is there someone who you can talk to.

Did you and your partner reconcile ??

hugs, Smurf!

warm and gentle hugs to you Smurf xx

Serious trigger warning





I can’t do this anymore

I don’t want to do this anymore

I hate this life

I hate me

I hate that I wasn’t believed

I hate blah effing blah

I didn’t lie

I did what I did to make it bearable

I did what I did out of fear

I am still scared

And it continues

Would I really put myself through all that $#%^, if it wasn’t the truth?

I’ve never been believed, so why the eff would I attempt to seek help?

I didn’t lie

All I want to do is die

All I’ve ever wanted is to be free

Free from fear

Free from hurt

Free from the threats

Free from the pain

Free from them

Now I will never be free

Death is the only way

No one knows how horrendous this is

No one will ever know the full extent of my pain

Almost a year since i asked for help

Yet it is me who is punished, yet again

Constantly seeing their eyes as they pound me

Every set of eyes

I hear their breathing

Their demands

Their threats

But no one hears my pain

No one believes me

Backed into a corner..... yeah I admitted I lied

But I didn’t

This is real

I can’t effing live like this anymore

They have won

Soon it will all be over

Soon I will have the ending I lived for

Soon I will say eff this life I’m through

I’m done

For now though I’m safe

Unfortunately

Hugs.....!

Huge huge huge hugs to you smurf.. please try and stay safe <3

Smurf we are here. Always will be.

Thinking of you.

Serious trigger warnings






They threaten you
They screw you hard
They do things they wouldn’t do to their loved ones
They hurt you
They punch you
They spit on you
They screw you so hard and deep
They laugh if you cry out in pain
They laugh if they see you cry
They laugh as your body betrays you
They think you like it
They don’t listen to no
They don’t care when you say stop
They take what they want
They destroy every little bit of you
But you tell them you enjoyed it or it will be worse next time
You thank them for being gentle, even though they weren’t
You tell them what they want to hear
You collude with them
You want someone to hear you
You want to be believed
But they are masters of they do
The messages never contain threats or coercion
They ask what you want them to do
You want to reply “leave me the eff alone”
Instead you reply with what they want to hear
You play their game
In an attempt to stop them hurting you more
They will do what they want
When they want
And how they want
You belong to them
The threats
The violence
The intimidation
Mean nothing
Because you told them you wanted it
You gave them permission
They don’t need to threaten anymore
Because you’re too scared to be alone with them
You are owned
No one believes you
The evidence is in their favour
You’re a liar
A danger to the public
All because you played their game
You lose your partner
You lose your home
You lose your job
You had no dignity
You had no self respect
You have nothing else to lose
You need psychiatric help
Because you’re a liar and a danger
You have to have a chaperone now when you see a professional
You have are punished for telling the truth
You have nothing left
You’re the scum of the earth
All you think about is dying
Dying is the only option
You worry about failing
About being saved
No one will listen
No one hears the silent sobbing
No one cares about the liar who claimed she had been raped for so many years
The evidence is against her
She knows she didn’t lie
They say they will help get you better
But they don’t believe you
How can they help when they can’t hear her cry.
You were raped
You were beaten
You were threatened
You were coerced
You were forced to look at the ground from the 13th floor
You were told they would leave go if you didn’t do what they wanted
But it’s ok
You lied
The lies stop hear
You’re told he is a decent bloke
He cooperated more than you
The lies do stop hear
I was raped
I was threatened
I was humiliated
I was coerced
I was punched
I was naked when they held my top half out of the window
I was spat on
I was kicked
I was pissed on
I was slapped
I was whipped
I was scared
I was RAPED
I AM NOT A LIAR
It’s good to know the powers that be were given a full disclosure
Now they all know the intimate details of what happened
I asked for it all
It no longer matters because soon I will be dead

xx

*sighs and hugs you*