Was it Sexual Assault or Infidelity?

Back in the summer, I went out with some friends and was at a house party. I had met this "guy" about a year ago at a Halloween party. After that party was over we headed back to a friends house that lived close to me and went into her hot tub. It became vary late in the night and once I realized how late it was I decided to go. This "guy" walked me home and was telling me how he thought I was the prettiest girl in high school (High school was about 15 years ago). I laughed at him and told him that he doesn't remember me in high school. He then said that if it had of been earlier he would have ###$ me. Again I just laughed it off and brought up a girl that I knew he had dated that was a neighbour of mine. Luckily it was a short walk and I gave him a hug and went inside my house.
About 3 months later, I went out again and met up with a girlfriend and a friend of my husbands. I had had a few to drink before I left my house and was "feeling pretty good"( I had also been doing a vegan challenge, so I don't know if I was eating enough). I met my friends at a Bistro(they were at a gym party) and had a couple of glasses of wine and then we all went to the local bar. There I had a few drinks not sure how many but they were doubles and we were doing shots. I was very intoxicated.At the end of the night my girlfriend had mentioned going to an after party, but the next thing I knew she was out the door on her way home. I than went to find my other friend. He was talking to a girl he liked. We all went outside to figure out what the next move was. We decided that we weould go back to "guys'' house and continue the party there. There was a DD and 3 of us crammed into the back seat of a car. I tried to get my friend to come with us but he said there wasn't any room. Which there was but later I found out he wanted to still talk to the girl he liked and then went home, threw up and passed out.
So it ended up being me, another girl,some dude and "guy". Dude didn't stay long and it was me, another girl and "guy" talking in his kitchen. The other girl brought up having a threesome and I thought that was a crazy idea and it was awkward. She then went to tell a bunch of crazy stories of wild things she had done. I remember at one point cleaning this guys sink and asking for a tooth brush because the beer he had was really gross. We than went into the living room and me and "guy" were sitting on his couch. I was talking about being frustrated with my husband and talking about my kids. By then I think the other girl left. So it was just me and him. I don't remember how it happened but we wound up kissing. I was so drunk everthing seems a bit blurred but I can remember pieces of it. Things began to progress, I told him that I was on my period. Thinking that would be an ending to it going any further. Who in their right mind has sex with a girl on her period. I was so drunk that I had even kinda forgotten that I even was on my period until the moment came and my pants were being taken off. I said isn't that kind of gross and he said that he didn't care. Kissing him did feel good but I never thought things would go any further. I didn't even really realize what was happening until it was happening. I don't think he had a condom on. We ended up having sex. I just remember not feeling anything, physically and mentally and that I just wanted it to be over. I did tell him to be done. I just wanted it to be done. I know that if I was sober that I would never cheat on my husband. I love my husband with all my being. Once it was over I just got up and cleaned myself up and left. I rememeber that he told me that he had to get up early in the morning. I don't even think he was that drunk. When I left it was a blur. I was so scared, I didn't even know where I was. I was crying because I didn't know what just happened. I don't remember walking home. Turns out he only lives a few blocks away. Maybe a 10 min walk. I guess when I got home I was crashing around and was in the bathroom for awhile. I think I threw up. I woke my husband up. He was freaking out because he had never in the 12 years that we had been together seen me that intoxicated. He was asking me questions and I was giving him answers that didn't make sense and was slurring my words. The next morning my husband was very upset, he found out where I was (he knows this guys and he does not have a good reputation)and that my friends had left me and that I walked home in the condition that I did by myself.
I guess I just need to know if somehow I gave consent. I was so drunk I didn't know what was going on. I thought telling this guy that I was on my period would have ended anything that was going to happen. I never did say NO or to stop, I went along with it. I just kind of went numb, and just wanted it to be over. I did enjoy kissing him but I didn't ever think that it would go that far. I probably had about 10 drinks(doubles) plus shots that night and had been up for almost 20 hours. I do feel like this guy took advantage of me. I don't know what this is. It has really messed up myself and my husband. He has been so undertanding about all of this and just wants me to make sense of this and get help.

Sorry this happened to you. I think he clearly did take advantage of your inebriation, and also that you did not give consent, possibly were even unable to give consent in your condition. In those circumstances, when things go too far suddenly and unexpectedly, a common reaction is to do what's necessary to get it over with as soon as possible. So you are not alone.

Once the kissing started, in your state you were not thinking clearly and not able to make the good decisions that were needed to avoid having things go too far. So the drinking played a role there too.

Overall you suffered a loss of control, first to the drinking and secondly to the guy. It's best to be honest about that and realize that drinking made you vulnerable, but the guy also took advantage of that to assault you. It may not be legally provable, so you may not have much recourse against the guy, but that is essentially what happened.

If your husband knows and is understanding, then maybe you could think about counseling for both of you, to get at the reasons why you ended up there, kissing the guy and complaining about your life. There may be underlying issues in your marriage, and also the counseling could help you deal with the assault. I'm sure your husband wants to feel that something like that will not happen again, so working on it together could give him some assurance & confidence that it won't.