Did I do the right thing? Please help

On New Year's Eve I was having drinks with some of my friends at their apartment . My good friends husband was present who had been sending me odd messages over the past few months at strange times . I contemplated telling my friend about these messages but decided not to , and instead told the husband that I felt awkward messaging him and did not want to be going behind my friends back . He passed if off as friendly chat and that was that. I have never had any sexual attraction to him whatsoever and would never even consider doing anything sexual with him.

As the night went on I got really drunk to the point of having memory blanks from about 10pm onwards. I know I stayed at home while my friends went out to a party because I was too drunk I struggle to remember small details. The husband also decided to stay home , I'm not sure what his excuse was. I fell asleep on a mattress in the lounge and the next thing I remember is his hands all over my body. He had moisturiser and was rubbing it everywhere . My bra came off , which I don't remember taking off , and he ended up fingering me and grinding on me . all the while I remained on my stomach and didn't touch him once . I don't remember saying a lot but I do remember saying I can't do anything with you as xxxxx is my friend . But I also remember that it felt nice while he was massaging and fingering me which is the one thing I am so embarrassed about. I then told him he could go to the couch, and that I didnt want to touch him. He then started masturbating and soon after my friends (including his wife ) came home . I can't remember what happened at this stage but apparently I went and jumped on their bed (no recollection of this)

He came out into the lounge again at 6am and bought me a cup of water before feeling me up on top of my underwear. I didn't say anything because I didn't want my friend to hear. She then came out and almost caught him in the act before telling him to come back to bed.

I need to know if you would class this as sexual assault ? After speaking with some friends i decided to go to the police but am doubting myself because of how drunk I was and I don't remember the small details and there are a lot of gaps in my statement . He has made a statement also which admits to everything but he says it was consensual and I was "making all the right noises" He has also bought up a lot of details which I don't even remember

This is such a horrible time for me and I feel as though I have made a big mistake in going to the police . I know he has at the very least been unfaithful to my friend but I don't know if I was right in reporting it . I don't want to press charges but I just want some unbiased Opinions . Please help x

You were drunk. It sounds very much like you have done the right thing. How could you consent to any of it when you were so drunk. It sounds to me as though you were even passed out when he decided to take advantage of you. Regardless of you 'making the right noises', he has technically raped you. Any form of penetration without consent is legally defined as rape. Yes it could be defined as sexual assault.

Don't be hard on yourself. Is your husband supporting you?

Thanks for your reply . I am actually single so don't have a husband but I have some friends supporting me - I'm really double guessing myself because I'm not sure if I specifically said "no" but I know that I felt sick about it the next day and really disgusted with what had happened. The police have been great but my friend (the wife) has said I'm a liar and she never wants to speak to me again . We have a really tight circle of friends so this is absolutely devastating for me . He said that I enjoyed it however told the police it was all him and I didn't participate at all ... Which doesn't sound like a consensual act.. Apart from the fact I was apparently happy for him to be massaging and touching me. I feel so stupid for getting so drunk and I'm angry at him for taking advantage of me, but I can't help thinking I some how enabled him / allowed him to do this to me my mind is just in overdrive thinking about everything and I feel so guilty

Hugs if ok

It's ok to be angry with him, but not yourself. Yeah you were drunk and yes you didn't say no, but he did take advantage of you. He knew exactly what he was doing. You didn't.

It sounds as though the police are on your side, so that is good. It is also good you have support of friends. I think it is understandable for his wife to act this way. I guess she won't want to admit or react in any other way. Maybe one day that friendship will get back on track. Have you considered having any counselling for what happened?

Remember you did nothing wrong. Don't be disgusted with yourself, that disgust belongs with him.

I don't know it it's my place to say, but what he did was wrong, and I think you were very brave to go to the police. I'm sorry for what's happening to your social group, but I urge you not to back down from the charges you pressed.

You're not at fault for any of it. You have every right to drink at a party. It was his fault for being a creep and pressuring a drunk person for sex, even when he's already spoken for. This is 110% his fault; don't let anyone tell you otherwise, whether they call themselves friends or not.

I hope you're doing well.