My girlfriend got abused last night and I need advice

I would like to know how I can best be there for her, but I'm also here in hopes to understand her a bit better. She's 19, we're in a long distance relationship.

Right now obviously her emotions are everywhere and I feel sort of selfish due to the fact that I have a lot of questions about things that worry ME on top of wanting to make sure she's okay and having the situation being about her, so I came here.

She got really intoxicated with a male and female friend, they all fell asleep on her bed. My girlfriend claims to have woken up to this guy touching her. Apparently she (gf) was asleep but her female friend didn't think she was, so she left the room so this guy could do this. Anyway apparently she woke up to this guy touching her vagina and she says she was too scared to do anything so she just lay there for about 30 seconds before making up an excuse that she wanted to go see her friend in the other room.
The guy also stayed and just fell asleep on her bed and then due to having nowhere else to sleep my girlfriend and her friend just fell asleep on the bed with this damn guy again, but with my girlfriends female friend in the middle.

So much of this confuses and scares me and I'm so upset and I don't know how to deal, to me the way the situation played out makes no sense at all and it's making it very hard for me to deal with it and be as good to my girlfriend as I can be in a time where she needs me.

I don't understand why a person would just lie there and let this happen, I don't understand why you would just run and hide and ignore this person instead of screaming and calling the police, I don't understand why you would go back in the room with him still there.

The fact that I have never experienced any of this before and have no idea what my girlfriends thought process is is scaring me, to the point where as selfish as it is, I was having thoughts about maybe my girlfriend kissed this guy while she was drunk or maybe she fell asleep cuddling him or thinking about him or something.

Since what I just said was so terrible let me point out the fact that it doesn't change anything that happened, what this guy did was incredibly messed up and there is 0 reason ever to do something like this, I just have big problems with anxiety and this situation and everything that happened in it makes 0 sense to me due to a lack of experience so my brain is just on full fire mode racking through every possible scenario and how it could have played out.

I do not judge my girlfriend for what happened, nor would I ever think it was her fault and I trust that she dealt with the situation the best way she knew how, but the fact that I don't understand is still making me think about stupid things like if she did anything wrong that she's hiding. I do understand that the reasons I'm thinking about these things are because I'm freaking out and do not understand the situation and my girlfriends current and past emotions.


At the end of the day I just want to understand these actions and why she acted certain ways so that I can be able to help the best I can, due to me not understanding the situation I have asked a few questions that really upset her when I for example thought I was doing a good thing by trying to figure out exactly what this guy had done so I knew how serious the situation was.

I understand that some of what I am thinking here is selfish, so please if you have ANY advice, information, just a single thought or anything, please say. I'm aware it may sound harsh and hurt me to hear but at the end of the day I want to go about this logically in whatever way is best for my girlfriend, so please be honest and tell me what to do.

Have you heard of fight, flight and freeze?

For a lot of people who are subjected to any form of sexual assault/violence they tend to freeze. A lot freeze and then in their heads they take flight. Many women and men can recall watching what happened from above.

You say your girlfriend was intoxicated, she may have still been very drunk when this man started to touch her and sometimes it can take a while to focus on what is happening is wrong. Her female friend may not have realised what was going on either.

Believe her. Don't blame her. Be there for her. Hear what she says to you. This isn't just about listening, you need to hear her.