I was raped at a baseball game recently.

well my name is matt and i am a high school student. i'm almost 17 years old and im here asking for help. i was raped at my community baseball game on the 4th of november. i went to the restroom. why that certain time, i dont know. he was in there when i walked in. i just took care of my business. it was after i was done washing my hands that he grabbed me. we were alone in the bathroom yet he dragged me into the last stall on the right. i kept praying that it would be over soon hoping i was just dreaming. but i wasn't, it was real.the guy locked the door and forced me up against it. i did everything i could, i screamed, cursed, cried. it was pointless. he was huge and old and i couldn't defend myself. he ripped my pants down like it was nothing. i dont want to talk about what happened next but im gonna push myself as far as i can. i bled. the pain was terrible. he kept going. calling me names, i was his little "boy" he said he had been waiting for me. it lasted an eternity. each thrust another freaking knife in my mind. i was numb. then it was over. i was just laying there. he smiled at me asking if i enjoyed it as much as he had. then he started beating me. kicking me over and over and over. punching me, chocking me, spitting on me. i couldn't scream he was literately crushing my vocal cords. i couldn't breathe. i was unconscious. for how long, i dont know. what i do know is that once i woke up i was still laying on the bathroom floor. he was still there on top of me. he was raping me again. i don't remember what i did or how i felt at this point. i was numb. he kept cursing at me, calling me names for homosexuals. he came inside of me and once he finished he calmly stood up and proceeded to wash his hands. i couldn't move. i don't know why but i just curled up in a ball on the floor and kept crying. he looked at me and left the room. i can still smell the bleach from the floor in my mind. feel the blood and fluid around me. i dont know how long i was on that floor. i remember parents and police officers around me. i barely remember what happened next. all i know is i woke up in the hospital with a sprained ankle, two broken ribs, a broken wrist, fractured larynx, and 2 anal fissures. he is serving 30 years in jail and i ask myself why everyday. it took a while to write this, it was hard but i did it. and i hope later on i'll be able to say it made me feel better. thanks for reading and hearing me out. if there's anyone out there that can help please reach out. i really dont want this to take over my life but i can't function anymore.
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I'm sorry this happened to you. Your experience sounds horrendous.

Are your parents being supportive and are you receiving any counselling?

How do you feel now?

The numbness is part of the brains and bodies way of protecting you.

I am slightly confused about how quickly he was convicted though, but then again maybe I live in a country where the legal system stinks and is very slow.

I'm really sorry to read that happened to you. I am glad the man who did such a horrible, grotesque thing is away from society and will be for a long time. As to 'why', it's very clear that it's nothing you did... you were horribly unlucky enough to fall victim to a warped, nasty piece-of-work. You can definitely heal from this. I think writing about it is a great way to try to achieve this. What he did was loathsome and cowardly and thought it was clearly awful and scary and horrendous it is over now and says absolutely zilch about you. You deserve comfort and rest and I hope you have your friends and family around you.