Just feeling vulnerable today

This is unusual post, I know. Many people come to share their story or ask if it's rape or not. I went through those phazes already. For the most part I'm doing quite good actually.

But what I went through is still the hardest thing I've ever been through, and every once in a while it sneaks up on me. It's one of those days right now. I have something nice coming up tomorrow, but I spend the whole day in this strange mood I get sometimes. Thinking about what happened, more than I should. I rarely do that, but sometimes it just comes upon me like a 24 h bug and I can't stop thinking about it.

And it makes me fearul and anxious again, and then I start being anxious about everything else in my life- or rather, I start doubting my ability to handle anything in my life that is going to happen. Whether it's a daily thing, simple meeting or complex issue. Whether I actually have the ability to handle. I just start remembering everything and getting filled with irrational anxiety about my present and future. Today is one of those days and it sucks.

I have a partner and some friends who know what I've been through, and I still can't talk to them. Not because of the talking, but not knowing what I say. I can barely formulate it in this post, and I'm still not sure that's all there is to it. It's just one of those days.

I'm just popping in with hugs.

Keep fighting the dark times. Remember you're safe now and what happened to you wasn't your fault. Use the support around you to help you when you it creeps up. Write stuff down. Scream and shout. Attack a pillow with a tennis racket. Go for a run, bike ride, swim, brisk walk.

Hugs if ok

smurf wrote:I'm just popping in with hugs.

Keep fighting the dark times. Remember you're safe now and what happened to you wasn't your fault. Use the support around you to help you when you it creeps up. Write stuff down. Scream and shout. Attack a pillow with a tennis racket. Go for a run, bike ride, swim, brisk walk.

Hugs if ok

Thanks! I've worked out how to deal with the things I can explain rationally(like triggers for example) and I have things that work to do on those times...But days like today feel so irrational and out of my depth. So I just have no clue what to do to feel better. I exercise daily, and go to dance classes, so that's a venting system for me. But today, is just...so hard. So I've been writing and journaling and reading forums for 2 hours and I can't stop because I still don't know how to feel better. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake with better perspective again.

Sometimes we just have to accept that some days are worse than others. Sometimes we just need a hug. I know others have suggested to me hugging a teddy bear....... I find it useful on very bad days. I also tend to sit or lie very still with my headphones in, not always listen to music, but sometimes just pretending not to be listening to anything other than my thoughts.

Sorry I'm waffling.

More hugs

I don't think I should really even comment in this sector as i'm so differently wired to average humans I don't really understand them.

*mod edit*