Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

There is great societal denial of the fact that men get sexually assaulted. Chances are-- except for the occasional bad prison joke--most of us don't ever hear about the topic of male sexual assault. The need to deny the existence of male sexual assault is partly rooted in the mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimized, that they should be able to fight off any attacker if they are truly a "real man." A closely related belief is that men can't be forced into sex-- either they want it or they don't.

These mistaken beliefs allow lots of men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual assault as something that only happens to women. Unfortunately, these beliefs can also increase the pain that is felt by a male survivor of sexual assault. These beliefs leave the male survivor feeling isolated, ashamed, and "less of a man."

No wonder so few men actually get help after being sexually assaulted. The fact is that only 5 to 20% of all victims of sexual assault actually report the crime-- the percentage for male victims is even lower. Feelings of shame, confusion and self-blame leave many men suffering in silence after being sexually assaulted.

As a result of their guilt, shame and anger some men punish themselves by getting into self-destructive behavior after being sexually assaulted. For lots of men, this means increased alcohol or drug use. For others, it means increased aggressiveness, like arguing with friends or co-workers or even picking fights with strangers. Many men pull back from relationships and wind up feeling more and more isolated. It's easy to see why male survivors of sexual assault are at increased risk for getting depressed, getting into trouble at work, getting physically hurt, or developing alcohol and drug problems.

Male survivors tend to question their sexual orientation more often than women who have been raped. Sometimes men will experience an erection or ejaculate during their assaults as an involuntary response which may lead the survivor to question whether or not he somehow wanted to be assaulted or that perhaps he may be gay. (Reality: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault -- this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime).

In a confusion between rape and sex, many men will become homophobic after their assault falsely equating same sex rape with homosexuality.

Unlike women, men are never taught to live with the fear of their own vulnerability to sexual assault. When they are raped they may experience a heightened degree of pure shock and surprise, finding it more difficult to understand what they have gone through. Some men will feel that part of their masculinity has been stripped away and that they have been feminized, or are somehow less manly because they have been sexually violated. (Remind the yourself or the survivor that you/he did what seemed best at the time to survive-- there's nothing unmasculine about that). Male rapes tend to have a higher rate of weapon use and physical injury, multiple assailants compared to the rape of women.

Men do not have widespread access to the resources, self help books and support groups that women survivors of rape have. Given the stigma surrounding male rape, most men suffer in isolation and attempt to deal with it by themselves.

Rape is defined on a state by state basis. In some states, the rape of men is not defined by law under the same terminology or degree of offense as the rape of women. Ohio’s laws regarding rape and sexual assault deal equally with male or female victims. Some states do not recognize oral or anal penetration as being rape and instead categorize them on other forms of sex crimes (i.e.: sodomy)

NOTE

It is estimated (applying the findings of previously published systematic surveys of jails and prisons where 1.2 million males were locked up in America in 1993) that some 60,000 unwanted sexual acts take place behind bars in the United States every day, victimizing in the course of a year some 130,000 adult males in prisons, 123,000 in jails, and 40,000 boys held in juvenile and adult facilities.

Whether you're a man or a woman, sexual assault is a trauma. The trauma of sexual assault involves losing control of your own body and possibly fearing death or injury. There are certain ways that human beings react to trauma that are the same for men and women. "Rape trauma syndrome" is a term that mental health professionals use to describe the common reactions that occur for both men and women after sexual assault. "Rape trauma syndrome" is not an illness or abnormal reaction -- it is a normal reaction to an abnormal, traumatic event.

Thanks for this post. Male rape is an important issue and seems to always get brushed under the carpet.

People seem to make such a fuss about female rape: Eg, the Royal Navy hostages in Iran. If the female hostage had been raped, then there would have been such a fuss kicked up by the media et al.
But if one of the male hostages had been raped, what would we see of that on the News? More than likely, Nothing.

That makes me so angry.

I recently gave a presentation on Sexual Assault to some of my fellow interns at a community health clinic. On the issue of male sexual assault an intern asked me, out of the total percentage of male sexual assaults each year, what fraction of it is committed in jail. I have been trying to find out this statistic and if the national percentages even include crimes committed in jail. If anyone can elaborate on this it would be great. i would really like to dispel any misconception that men are safe if they are not in jail that may be forming in people's minds.

ps. Spiggy, I definitely don't think that people make enough of a 'fuss' over sexual assault in general, regardless of gender and I agree that male sexual assault especially does not get enough attention.

I am a female rape victim and was just talking to my bf the other night about male rape victims. I mean it was hard for me as a female to say that a man violated me, but for a man to say that..it must be 10X harder..probably more

Thanks for posting this sweets. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I was raped (as in being able to think about it at all) and I still haven't told anyone what happened to me. Personally I don't see why it would be harder for us boys than you girls. That being said, most of the female abuse victims I know have probably dealt with things better than I have, so maybe. I think the physical damage is generally a bit more severe, maybe?

I really feel for men her are sexually assaulted and raped. Truly, they are less likely to get help. My dad has so many issues because of a brutal rape he experienced as a teen(gang raped at gunpoint). I honestly empathize.

I don't like to draw comparisons between male rape & female rape victims because it tends to "make light of" or invalidate the individuals experience. Male or female, everyone's situation is unique. It's ALL awful. I feel almost thankful that I was raped by a boyfriend rather than a stranger but that hasn't made it any easier. Seeing as I was sodomized(very forcefully), I still suffer physically as well as emotionally and it has been nearly 10 years. I also had another date rape as well as being sexually assaulted by a close friend's husband.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I really do feel that men need more encouragement to seek help and confide in someone. There should be more media attention on the matter. One person I really admire who endured a nightmare I could never imagine is Shawn Hornebeck. If you don't know about him; look him up! He is an amazing individual. I remember when he was rescued(along with another young buy)how much I worried for him. I didn't even know him but just knowing what little I knew about his ordeal really ate at my heart. I was afraid for all of the reasons put forth above about how he would ever be able to cope after 4 years of hell. I prayed(I'm not even religious)that he would get help and not suffer any more than he had. I looked him up last year and got a bit teary...he is doing more than remarkably well. Smart as hell and helping others. He's very inspiring!

I wish all of you the best and please get help- DO NOT BE ASHAMED! I know it's hard. Stay strong and take care..

Apache wrote:

It is estimated (applying the findings of previously published systematic surveys of jails and prisons where 1.2 million males were locked up in America in 1993) that some 60,000 unwanted sexual acts take place behind bars in the United States every day, victimizing in the course of a year some 130,000 adult males in prisons, 123,000 in jails, and 40,000 boys held in juvenile and adult facilities.

As an Asexual/Heterosexual victim of Gang-Rape and Torture at Gunpoint. I read as much material and books I could get my hands on about Men who become Victims of Rape.

I find one hell of a lot of Societal Bias and Myth deters from the actual statistics that is often undermined from numerous sources who claim to know much about Men who are Raped. Increasingly many professionals in the psychiatric and Psychotherapy field see this too.

Fact is NOT all Men who are Victimized by Rape are Homosexual or Ex-Cons from prisons.
The Fact alone that the Majority of Victimized Men who remain Silent gives testament to this fact.

In fact I read a number of professional studies where

If those Hundreds of Thousands if not millions of Victimized Men in Hiding were to come out and seek professional help. Statistics sources that bespeak of the present numbers of Men being raped would be shattered. Many professionals believe the majority of Victimized Men in hiding are indeed Heterosexual. Such new statistics would rival and surpass the number of Homosexual men who are Raped.

Shocking Yes!
So much for the ignoramus indignant bias stigma placed on

ALL

men Victimized by Rape.

Peace
Chris

I'm so glad someone spoke up about this. I am sure it is what happened to my brother causing him to attack me. I'm mad that someone did this to him and the pain and abuse continued. He committed suicide as an adult. It just breaks my heart. If only he had someone safe to tell when he was a childhood victim. We've got to change our culture.

lavender wrote:I'm so glad someone spoke up about this. I am sure it is what happened to my brother causing him to attack me. I'm mad that someone did this to him and the pain and abuse continued. He committed suicide as an adult. It just breaks my heart. If only he had someone safe to tell when he was a childhood victim. We've got to change our culture.

Hello Lavender;

My apologies for the late reply;

I'm so very sorry what happened to your brother ("suicide") and him attacking you.
I can only imagine the stigma you carry and what you feel in your heart.
I think its so beautifully wise and shows great compassionate courage, ("and forgiveness of your brother")
that your able to make the following thoughtful statement below, even though it hurts you inside and the fact that you too are a victim.

If only he had someone safe to tell when he was a childhood victim. We've got to change our culture.

Your so right! I remember when I was gang-rape and tortured at gunpoint. two other young men were also victims to the same tragic events I was forced to endure. One week after the gang-rape, one of the male victims who suffered at my side committed suicide. I think of this often. Statistics show that both female and male childhood and adult victims of incest and rape, sadly resort to suicide.

Most Regrettably; I find mainstream society paints an awful bias judgment on both women and men who befall victims of incest and rape. Much worse for male victims of rape. That is why I strongly believe the majority of victims sadly hide in painful silence.

Have you been able to find support from your family or professional help? I wish circumstances were different. But I'm happy that you have found this site. There's a lot of genuine caring people here who have big hearts to understand.
Hope to talk again.

Take Good Care of Yourself
Most Sincerely
Chris

It is a tragedy that both male and female victims cannot fully find acceptance when searching for help and understanding. For my Original, there is a split that has become more obvious with his experience and other situations in his life. At least here, both needs can be met and healing can begin. It only need begin with opening up about the sexual assualt. With compassion, love, and faith in what we hold dear, that pain can become part of the past for good. I love you all.

-Nanashi-