Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Silly

.. I can be silly if I like

I like that in a thread about male rape there can be some lightness and humor

I know that the subject for some can be tough to deal with, I for one have been lucky in that I have had many good friends help me over a long period of time and that has enabled me to better cope with what happened. The ability to laugh isn't always a good thing but sometimes laughing is a much better way of getting rid of the pain.

Male rape:

It happens all the time, but guys will not talk about it and it will effect him, eventually.

Let me you give you an example of my own story.

Since I was born I was the "children should not be seen nor heard. Stay here in this basement...and don't go out or we will strap you hard, understand?"

When I went through puberty, I thought something was wrong with me. No one told me anything

College. A professor warmed up to me.

1. He was interested in me as being a friend
2. I was his teacher for so many courses to come.
3. I relaxed around him.

I always felt self-conscious about being un-athletic and no good at that stuff. But, this professor wanted to wrestle.

Two things:

A trusted professor who had years "under his belt." As far one of hardest and most sencere.
Someone who could take this sheltered (nieve.) But I didn't know anybetter.

Alone at his house he wanted wrestle...and he was so swave about it, I was pinned into wrestling hold I couldn't get out of. Not knowing why this was happening and trying my best to see my surroundings, I included he wanted to do this:

1. Get off on me
a. Finding what he was looking for and that is that
b. Not finding out what he wanted and using violence to get it:

So, he could be just doing his thing... or ready to strangle me for umpteen reasons.

It stops and he went to his place on his couch and mine, on mine... to think this is over... which the last of my thoughts was leaving and going home.

HOME: PARENTS. This is fun. "Guess what happened" Someone put his hands down my pants to make me feel good! I was just about to tell them my feelings when, "I see. Well, better get over it and doe'nt let it happen again. Parnets go back to movie.

THe next day, I told my roommate about it... another biology major. He was the one that flat out didn't believe it.

I had to get my mind clear and think about it... what would every do to get something out of this... some piece of mind?

There is no piece of mind. I live with it. I take the classes from the sexually prioccupied professor where so many grades were needed. I didn't make waves... because of the what could happen.

For support? WHere?

WOMEN'S SEXUAL HARRASMENT GROUPS...WHERE "MEN ARE DOING THIS" AND "WE HATE YOU!!!" I remember going and young womwn asked if, "I was waiting for her sister?" this was around 1980 though.

We get it too. But, what the women get for support and what the men get for it is different. We are the shadows no one wants to talk to. If we go to a support group, watch the woman eyes. Her eyes are telling you she is looking for anything that could help you, becasue you a different, And the rest of the group you will feel like that "Special Guest." Thank fpr being her. oh its nive that you have come..."fluff. Superficial fluff. That's what I found.

Now any suggestions to the contrary, like have our own thread and the ideas behind it. That's only for the site heads. Just putting something down as the way I feel!

I am really sorry to hear about you going through this. Are you having any help with it at all from a professional Entangled? If not I think it would really help you. And anyone who does not acknowledge what has happened to you because you are male is an idiot and the problem lies with them not you. I am sorry you have experienced discrimination on top of everything else.

Cracked

Thank you Crackedgirl for bringing this thread back.

Ladies? This not just an issue with women. Guys, it happens. BUt, our norms of society try to tell us not to speak out.

Male survivors of rape.

1. It didn't happen
2. Don't talk about it.
3. Leave it inside to fester for the rest of your life

Unless: you come out and post.

Everyone thinks of prison rape... it seems our society has a fascination with that. But, it happens all the time. A friend you trust, grabbed from behind... and then SILENCE... that's it!

I have done this with my own problem. I have gone to the sexual abuse forum for women. I told them I was a man was raped. Not one poster rejected me. In fact, they wanted me to speak out.

I think that sexual abuse is not just a gender thing but a wide spread epodemic that must be heard. So, guys... post it here... ladies, let them know they are not alone. This isn't just male or female really... it's all of us who are victums crying out.

It's time to be heard...

You are very strong Entangled.

Cracked

I Cracked. When it happened it happened. It was cold heartless and, deathly scary... until I could get out of it... the situation, I mean. I was confused... there was many things I couldn't remember. Since no one believed me, I felt alienated. But you see, I worked in psych at the time. Even though I have been in psych as a patient and saw the door lock behind me as a volunteer patient... and feel that, (I'm beyond returning feeling), it was working in psych that helped me the most... really

I had nowhere to go at that time.

But, my nursing instincts, (you find this out when you get the job...are you a nurse or not? (I was... It came and it was the nuturing feeling.) intersing for a guy... anyway

So, obviously rape victums came in. And, they were women. We were assigned people to talk to for our shift. This is what started it all. You get a teenage girl who won't talk to you, and you get signs that you can see that they were hurt that way. And, you just can't keep it in...so you ventilate to the patient... (I was raped) and she listens... in fact she only wants to talk to you because your the guy on the floor (WHO KNOWS).

THey tell the next girl who comes in that Phil is the guy to talk to. I wasn't even supposed to chart anything, but, they has no chooce becasue the girls and guys my age and younger were coming to me to talk. I guess they thought I had something... special? I don't know!

BUt, being a male survivor of rape opened things for me.

It's still buried. So So long ago, and I just wish that I could let people know what happened to me. Even though I am a Male survivor... how can you tell it to another guy. It's easier telling it to women. I', not perfect. No one is.

But if I could do one once of good for those..women and men in sexual rape or assault... at least I would feel I did something worth while.

OK I spilled my gets... Who's next?

I think you are right - being ppl who have gone through trauma we can better listen to others who are in the same boat and encourage them to talk. I am in the health care field too.

Cracked