One night I got drunk with one of my friends that I had a huge crush on, we'll call him "Bob". My brother was there. Bob and I ended up making out upstairs and he later passed out. My brother invited his friend over, "Ray". I went downstairs to meet Ray . While I was down there, they gave me something else to drink, but I only took a sip of it. My brother then started encouraging me to do sexual things to Ray, I refused, because I really liked Bob. Ray said "Bob's passed out he won't know we had sex" I still refused. I told him I was drunk, I didn't know how old he was, and he didn't have a condom, and that I didn't want to sleep with him anyway. They kept trying to convince me to have sex with Ray. I refused, and went upstairs, hoping they would leave me alone if I was in the same room where Bob was, even though he was sleeping. I was starting to feel extremely dizzy at this point. Ray and my brother followed me upstairs, and Ray started touching me. I pulled away, saying I was going to pass out and that I had to lie down. My brother encouraged Ray to follow me into the bedroom where Bob was. My brother then gave me this disgusting grin that I don't think I'll ever be able to forget, and closed the door. I was lying on the bed, very near to the point of passing out. Ray kept saying things to me, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I thought he said something like "Do you want me to leave you alone?" To which I said, "Yes". I had a hard time moving. He proceeded to rip my shorts off, and he pried my legs open roughly, after which I had bruises. He then raped me. I think I started hallucinating, because I thought he was my ex-boyfriend at one point, but then I saw his tattoo on his arm, and I panicked because I didn't know who he was. Then I thought he was my ex again. I remember being extremely confused and scared, not even knowing where I was. I started bleeding, and then he stopped. I offered to perform oral after he stopped (this is the part I struggle with the most) because I thought he was my ex, and after I started bleeding with my ex this is what we would usually do. I started crying because I realized he wasn't my ex and I was so scared and confused, and he kept screaming "Why are you crying? Stop crying." It was horrible. Up to this point, my ex had been the only person I had ever slept with, so I don't know if that's why I thought it was him or if they slipped me a drug or what, but my offering him oral sex makes me feel so guilty. My therapist knows all the details, and she says I was raped and possibly drugged, but I still feel responsible.
I told my parents about it the day after it happened, and my mom said I deserved it. My dad just screamed a me to take Plan B because he didn't want the expense of a baby. My brother lives in the house with us, and I am terrified of him. The therapy is helping deal with my issues, but I struggle with my mom and dad not believing that he helped his friend rape me. My mom said she believes he helped him, but then she says things like "but you sleep with so many people" "why did you go downstairs" "I believe you and I believe your brother". She can't believe both of us. They treat him like it never happened. They constantly defend him. I feel like he's been the favorite our whole lives. I don't know how to deal with it, and I was looking for fellow suffers for advice on how they coped with it. I just feel so alone.
please help
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