straight and scared of men

Is there anyone here that is straight, like.... afraid of men?


Do you feel attracted to a man, but the second that he might talk to you or show interest in you or maybe even just want to be friends, do you completely lose it and want nothing to do with him and get super anxious and get even more flashbacks?

I hear some of you talking about your boyfriends. How do you do it? I can't even talk to a guy without the obsessive fear of him raping me in the back of my mind. I can't even talk to a guy as a friend. How in the world can you have a boyfriend and even kiss them without getting a million flashbacks?

I tend to be afraid of men also and I am straight. My marriage has been one of all kinds of abuse. Fortunately I separated from him 5-6 years ago.

I really feel for you. From your post I'm assuming that you have been abused many ways...many times. And I am sorry for that. Are you able to get therapy for these issues? If not I would encourage you to try and do so.

Take care and please feel free to post here as much as you want

Sweetngentle

sweetngentle-

Thank you for your kind words, I couldn't have asked for anything more.


First off, I want to say how glad I am that you are separated. I couldn't help but smile and feel so proud of you when I read that sentence. I couldn't imagine, you are so strong!

Yes, I am in therapy, have been for 5 years. I'm kind of having a hard time, I've never talked about ANYTHING until March this year... so it's kind of bringing a lot up.

Maybe I'm just affected so much by this because my 2 most "severe" situations were with guys who I was on a date with and was actually interested in and though I could trust. I don't know ...

Thanks again for your support! That means a lot to me.

Take care hun

I used to be like that...
But it got easier.

I know exactly how you feel.

Fortunately, I can still talk to men..I just strongly distrust them...and I can't be around them alone.

But, I do find myself attracted to a male...and then as soon as he shows interest...or as soon as he starts flirting, or brushes his hand across my back, or puts his arm around my waist...I cringe. And I suddenly just want to bolt. I want to get out of there, and fast.

I am sure it gets easier. I, myself, am currently working on it. Keep faith. And talk to someone about it. If you are in therepy, it could be a good goal to work toward. I am actually going to bring it up to my councelor....because it has been on my mind as of late.

Good luck.

i'm terrified of men also, but if i can get to know somebody in a public place first it's manageable.

my best friend is a man. this causes problems sometimes as he is very affectionate and always wants to hug me--not helped by the fact that his body is the same build as one of my abusers. . . but he was molested as a child and understands how afraid i get, so that helps.

i have a boyfriend too, and again i got to know him in public view. we spent years just seeing each other in public before being alone for more than a few minutes. eventually we were physical for a while, but it was too triggering for me and i would pull away. i forced myself not to actually run away because i knew that he truelly loves me and would not hurt me, but the fear is still there. i finally told him and he understands. we're taking a break from anything physical untill i can get myself together a bit more. so the point to that is to find somebody sensitive enough to support you and demand nothing of you. hard, but possable.

this is going to sound odd and maybe slightly insulting, but you may be less threatened by gay men. you could try making a few gay guy friends first to kind of ease your way in to talking to guys again. (not meant to be insulting to anybody!)

even after quite a while the fear and panic will act up for no apparent reason (at least it is with me). but if you can find someody to turn to it should be manageable (should).

good luck

You're doomed darling! You are taking a break from sex? *edited by moderator* good luck with that :-P

Remember your problems shouldn't be his, that's not what a relationships about. It's about sharing your spirit not your weakness, it's sad but all seem to have forgotten that.

I COMPLETELY understand what you mean, I have had so many things happen to me, I am scared to death of men, I have a fiance whom I've been with for almost 10 years and I still get flashbacks when he touches me. We don't participate in that kind of interaction too often because he knows how it makes me feel. He has been there for me through two incidents and I know he loves me but because of everything I've been through I have a hard time getting past that stuff. I can't go anywhere by myself because even when I'm with my daughter (from a rape) men confront me and try to flirt with me and that just sends me into a major anxiety attack, so I can't imagine how bad I would be if I were by myself because she knows how to bring me back to where I'm calmed down. Watching t.v. even sends me into flashbacks so I have to be very careful on what kinds of shows I watch. My life is like a prison, I'm trapped inside all of these horrible memories and I can't get out. I'm in therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping so I can understand where you are coming from. People tell me it will get better but WHEN????????

I used to be scared of men, but I have recovered from that now. details in my post in the Hope forum.

be careful of falling into an abusive realtionship


because of youre fear, you may be suckered in by a seemingly nice guy who ends up taking advantage (mentally and emotionally) of you because he knows youre afraid of other guys and wont leave him once he gains your trust