a question, but ashamed to ask it *trigger*

How do you cope after being raped?

I need to ask a question but I'm too ashamed to ask it and its destroying me. I need help with something, with the real question I want to ask, but I'm so scared. I'm scared to ask it.

I'm sorry. Please don't reply to this!

Hi smurf
I can't answer your question about coping, sorry. I also probably can't answer your other question, but maybe someone else on here will be able to help. You have something more you want to ask, right?
I think you should ask. This is a safe place to talk.

I understand that there are somethings that are near impossible to ask but i think it could really help if you post it here, it means you are getting it off your chest and people wont judge you.

-Downwardskyril

-- Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:29 pm --

I understand that there are somethings that are near impossible to ask but i think it could really help if you post it here, it means you are getting it off your chest and people wont judge you.

-Downwardskyril

This isn't my 'actual' question, but another going through my head. Is it possible to be in denial after you've been attacked? I mean- just be totally unaware of the extent of how much physical, mental and emotional pain/distress you're in. To totally not realise what' has happened until you catch yourself doing/saying something out of character, in a way it serving as a trigger. Forgive me if I'm not making any sense. Sorry.

smurf wrote:This isn't my 'actual' question, but another going through my head. Is it possible to be in denial after you've been attacked? I mean- just be totally unaware of the extent of how much physical, mental and emotional pain/distress you're in. To totally not realise what' has happened until you catch yourself doing/saying something out of character, in a way it serving as a trigger. Forgive me if I'm not making any sense. Sorry.

I think so. I'm new to this, but I definitely think so. It took me like two months (not sure if that's a long or short amount of time after) before I really started feeling extremely depressed about it. For me my first trigger was totally of guard too... I didn't even realize that what I did would set me off, but it did. Looking around online the other day I read something that said there are four stages: right after it happens when you're in shock, then denial and you go about daily life pretending it didn't happen, then I guess one day you wake up and you can't avoid it anymore... and of course they claim that after that comes recovery or something like it.

I still don't feel able to ask my question directly, but how do you cope with what you consider to be the worse thing that they can do to you? The thing that leaves you feeling so humiliated and ashamed? The thing that haunts you and causes you physical pain for a while afterwards? The thing that is so degrading you would rather take your own life than talk about it? The thing you can't cope or deal with? The thing that messes up your head so badly that you no want to be here? The thing that is destroying you? The thing that makes you feel more dirty and vile than you ever have before? The thing that makes you want to cut open your veins to get rid of the contamination? The thing you hate the most about yourself? The part that makes you feel dead?

I've had enough. I want to die.

smurf wrote:This isn't my 'actual' question, but another going through my head. Is it possible to be in denial after you've been attacked? I mean- just be totally unaware of the extent of how much physical, mental and emotional pain/distress you're in. To totally not realise what' has happened until you catch yourself doing/saying something out of character, in a way it serving as a trigger. Forgive me if I'm not making any sense. Sorry.

Yes is the answer. When I got my memories of my childhood I was exactly as you are describing. In fact, it's very common, you are not hardly alone in this.

Regarding your question, this isn't the forum I am usually on but I saw it and wanted to answer. Recently on the forum I am active on, I have come forward with information I have NEVER told a living breathing soul including my therapists. I could not believe I did it. It's a release. You are anonymous here, nobody has a clue to anything. I encourage you to take a leap of faith and ask your question. I will look for it and respond!

I've just triggered myself so much. I feel scared. I'm trying to so hard not to ask the question, but its destroying me. Its eating away at me. Its always there.