When Psychotherapy goes Wrong!

I was in therapy for 18 months which made me whole lot worse.
There was warning signs but my keyworker didn't listen to me. Warning signs such as "Can I change therapist"? And there response was "I had to work through love transference"
So months later I reported to my Occupation therapist I been having suicidal thoughts after therapy and feeling whole lot worse. My Occupation therapist thought it was because I was talking about personal , sensitive subjects to my psychothearpist at the time. I knew in myself something was very wrong. I try to do research I even try to tell my psychothearpist that I'm not getting better that I'm getting worse. My psychothearpist at the time said I'm thinking black and white and I'm with a non perfect therapist. I know they said this because I was daignose by a psycharaist for 2 hours I had BPD. Well traits they like to say. Though in saying this, I did my own research and listened to podcast called Psychology in Seattle. The psychologist said how it takes months for someone to be daignose with BPD. So I begin to wondered if I been misdiagnosed?
I know that the treatment that my "psychothearpist " was providing was not helping.
About 3 weeks ago at the ending of my session with my psychothearpist, rupterly told me our last session would be next week. That they bring cake and milk shakes because they like to end therapy with food.
I didn't went due to I was afarid I would commint suicide.
It was horrible week just dreading it be last week.
Though I did phone them back since they called and ask where I was, I told them I was under the impression that I was going to go with them to pirvate practice. That what they told me the whole 18 months. They said "yes that stands, but I'm only here for 2 years, I told you this" (I was awfully confused. I thought to myself you never told me you were here at public health system for 2 years. If that was the case then why would he say to me at the beginning of this year the public health system accept him this year.) They said to me "I was under impression you knew" (here I thought. Ok now they using my words at me "under impression". ) I said "You told me last session that next week is our last session. I wasnt told in advance " they said to me "Yes I told you I was gonna leave within 3 weeks" (which never happened. Because if that was the case I be freaking out and talking to my partner about it and to my Occupation therapist saying what am I gonna do)
I was getting really angry now. So I told them which is true "I meet 3 pirvate professional psychologist and you know what they said. You not ready to work pirvate practice " I hanged up on them .

The reason why those 3 psychologist said that.
One being a family member who works pirvate practice as psychologist.
Second was my art therpaist
Third was my partner's psychologist who happened to be my psychothearpist's lecture.

Was because my psychothearpist at the time said hurtful things to me.
Such as I was mainpluativie. Who would say that to a client? My art therpaist told me its not therapeutic words to use.
I recalled once I told them how a friend of mine said they don't want kids and how it bothered me. I asked my psychotherapist I dont know why? And they said "maybe they remind you of your mother, maybe your mum.shouldnt of have kids "

Another example was when I was struggling to live at home.with my.mum and sister and he asked me if I had a tent to camp outside my mum's house.

I told this to my new psychologist whom works at the same public health system. They said they were surpised that the psychotherapist would say those things to me. Since they know them. They also mentioned how hurtful if a therapist said that to her and she was client.

But what was interesting was this.
She said it was blessing in descide because the therapy would of failed because my love transference towards him. I constantly felted rejected so that what cause misery.
She did mention were my psychothearpist studies they focus on love transference therapy. She said that from her own personal humble opinion that she has not seen focus love transference therapy work that why she has felmale clients.
I thought wow! What a insight and I would agree with her. Just cause misery.
She asked if I had any other problems with other therpaist I said no. Which is true. She thought that was interesting. What she means by that I don't know. I thought maybe my psychothearpist had issues that he hasn't dealt with.

I did sent a complaint letter to public health system but since the psychotherapist has left they have got away with it and the letter is really making excuses about what I experienced. Which was a real disappointment and just makes you feel you can't fully trust this system.
Though they said this quote "The nature of psychotherapy encompasses a range of therapeutic techniqueso where reflection on situations is supported. This may include the use of metaphorical devices to add reflection , gain insight and develop coping strategies. In reading your letter and the clinical notes, it appears that the success of this type of approach is not evident for you at this time. Please be assured thst it would not have been (psychothearpist name) intention to cause you further distress.

You highlight in your letter that (psychothearpist name) mentioned he was "experimenting" As above , there are a range of techniques and determining the best technique for you needed to be explored. This is not 'using you as a guinea oig' , but rather specifinally tailoring your therapy sessions to meet your needs"

Quote ended.

By no means did this therapy helped me.
One of my goals was to make friends never happended.
To get a job or study never happened.
I had increase suicide thoughts and self harm that was highly intense.

There was small improvements say I don't fight as much with my.partner but that was it.

Im just interested has anyone gone through this?
And is there any real edvience that love transference focused therapy works?
Because it made me worse.

The psychotherapist was a student finishing off there masters. Now in pirvate practice unfortunately who knows what kind of damage he do to his clients.

Wow!

I can see from your words that you did not benefit much or any at all from going to this therapist. That sounds like they are not someone you will want to go visit again. I'm so sorry you had to experience such a horrible time with them. As to me, that is what it sounds like. Horrible experience.

Please don't be discouraged. I didn't find a good therapist till I tried a 3rd one. I only did two sessions with one. I did a few months with another and then I was sent to the 3rd whom I really clicked and could open myself up to. I still see her, but now it is spaced to every 3 months instead of every week or every 2 weeks. Would you be open to the idea of trying to visit another therapist? There are indeed some very bad ones who, in my opinion shouldn't even be doing that type of job, and then there are the really good ones who do so much good.

I've been in therapy over 5 years with the same therapist.

I've had a handful of bad therapists. I've seen more bad ones than good ones. Simply put, most clinicians don't understand OCD, so they are unable to help me.

However, I did run into a good therapist once. She didn't understand OCD, but she was willing to learn more about it when I became her client. It gave me faith that not all therapists are evil.