You're not alone, you're not a bad person

This is coming from someone who has FDIS. (Factitious disorder imposed on self) - I've actually posted in this forum several times on different accounts because I can never remember my password. I first found this forum when I was 15, I'm 27 now. The reason I came back here was because I just lost my best friend from fdis. She passed away a couple months ago and I just found out yesterday. I don't know if she ever participated here but she was one of the most inspiring people I ever knew and she truly was the only person who ever understood me. She was only in her early twenties but her fdis was very severe.

When she was alive, she wanted to help people like us. That's why I met her 9 years ago because she had an Instagram account (it's gone now) and she talked about her experiences with fdis. She was the only person i ever saw talk about it on social media and the reason she did that was so we could find her and know that we aren't alone.

Her account got really big after a video on MinuteVideos (also been deleted) highlighted her story so beautifully several years ago. It was mostly people like us realizing they aren't alone and she became a voice for us. She made a group chat for people like us (I was too scared to join) and she helped literally so many people understand their condition, and she also helped us by creating a more empathetic light to shine on us. There were a lot of people without fdis who were very interested and understanding and kind. A lot of them said that she helped them have a new perspective on us.

She said she didn't want to die before she could help as many people as possible.

She got overwhelmed with how big her social media got after the MinuteVideo, she wasn't always treated well. It became too much so she deactivated it but continued to help us in everyway she could. She changed lives and changed the way people thought of fdis at the time. More and more people started coming out to seek support and recovery because of her. She helped me through my recovery. We were going to meet eachother but it never got to that. She struggled so much with urges and her health in general. She was in a lot of pain and near the end she told me she was on TPN. I told her to please be careful and not to mess with it because it's so dangerous. She said she would try not to. She used to be incredibly smart and always seemed to know how to "do things safely" is what I thought back then. She gave herself a lot of emergencies but always was able to survive them. I really believed that she would be okay. But I guess whatever it was she did was too much and she didn't survive.

Even though self harmed and passed away, for a while she really wanted to get better. We both really wanted to get better and we helped eachother as much as possible. If we had urges we would tell eachother and try to deescalate it. She never tried to convince me not to do something but she would give me input on how to be as safe as possible. So I always just trusted that she knew how to do things safely. But I was wrong.

Anyways... the reason I'm here in this forum again is because I want to offer my support for anyone who might be struggling with fdis whether you're diagnosed or undiagnosed. You aren't alone. I want to continue my best friend's legacy and continue what she started and help as many people as possible. In her name now. Thank you