Actively seeking diagnosis and i'm pissed (RANT)

***TRIGGER WARNING*** Aggrressive language, minor self deprication, potentially offensive material



I really hope this doesn't come off as disrespectful, but I am truly so upset that this is the lead we have right now. I have been in and out of therapy for so many years, and we have looked into so many different possible conditions, and nothing really felt right. Almost two years ago, I had a therapist suggest DID, and she seemed confident about it. I thought it was such an insane jump that I stopped seeing her. Now, my new therapist, whom I've only seen for two months, is suggesting the same thing, and I feel like I need to genuinely look into it. And the more I do, the more a lot of things make sense.

This sounds so weird but, I was really banking on a condition that's easier to explain or something that people will actually believe me for. We are mostly looking at partial DID or OSDD since full blown DID does feel like a bit of a stretch still. I'm just so angry that I have spent so many years feeling so confused about what I've been struggling with just for me to potentially get diagnosed with something even more confusing. This is so frustrating. I could wrap my mind about like BPD or autism or something like that so much easier. It feels like the universe is playing a sick joke on me by making getting better even more challenging. It sounds so terrible to say that I just wish I could have a slightly more socially acceptable problem.

I'm meeting with a DID specialist this Thursday so I suppose we will see what comes of that. Who knows, maybe we are still wrong and then I'm back at the weird stage of not knowing what the hell is wrong with me.