How to get back up?

Hi, I'm Saulley, I'm 26, and I've recently came out to my closest friends and therapist about a SA that happened to me 13 years ago.

At first, it felt great, finally being able to explain to them why I couldn't swallow certain foods, or go to public bathroom, they've been really understanding and supporting.

But I feel like it's not enough, they are really nice and I love them, but I need to talk to someone that lived through similar stuff, and has advices, so we could share tricks aboht how to cope with certain things, and how to stop feeling bad about others.

I first tried to share my story on reddit, but the only amswers that I got there were cold-blooded, horrific DMs from creeps. It took me 4 month to stop having nightmares after them. I'm willing to try this again, with you here.

I guess I should try talking a bit about myself to get anything going. I was assigned male at birth, but around 6 I started feeling like a girl, I would try makeup or wigs, and it escalated to 12yo me completely crossdressing. I knew it was seen as weird, so to evade bullying, I wore huge metal bands sweatshirts, who justified my long hair as being a fan of metal and rock music (even though I wasn't that much into it), and large jeans, all of it above my "girl clothes". After school I would take the longest way home, to a part of the city that I knew no schoolmates or family membera could see me, removed my "boy clothes"and spend an hour or so before dressing back up and going home.

I usually had nasty looks or comments, but I could just tell them I was in fact a boy and they left disgusted. One day though, it didn't stop someone (I won't go in any graphic details, it was SA, from a stranger, and lasted approximately half an hour). I was around 13yo, and since then, I haven't crossdressed. I haven't felt good about myself. I didn't tell about my family, as my mon and her sisters had themselves been SA'd by their caretakers growing up, and I was scared of how they would have reacted. (also, it was my aunts clothes I was stealing, and I feared they would all think I was weird for that).

For the longest time, 2 things stuck with me.
1.I was at fault, my actions brought this upon me.
2.I could only fantasize about it happening again, or me doing it to someone else, and this until my 21, which made relationship really difficult.
Now I know that, as a child, I had no responsibility in this, but even then, it's hars to even think about trying anything even remotely feminine.
When I started trying to fibd information about thoses experiences online, I found out that not being able to experience sexual attraction "normally" after that kind of experience was expected, and I stopped beating myself about it, since then, I tried to get more healrthy habit, and although It's not completely gone, I feel better about this.

Sooo.. yeah, that's pretty much it. I'd really like to talk about coping mechanism, how to talk about it to more people, how to retake control of your body, not with therapist, or friends, but with people that actually lived through it. I can share mine too, I hope I help at least 1 person, and crossing fingers in hopes no creeps come into my dms this time!