Selective Mutism & DID

Hi

I have currently found myself to be host and understanding that I have also have Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple alters) but I also have memories of having a total phobia of speaking at school when I was last host. (around 11-13yrs old..body is now in its 50's).

We have had many different hosts after me (there are 12 alters in our system) including one that was deaf and only signed (I believe to get around the phobia of being expected to speak in public, if people believed you were born deaf they would not expect you to speak and accept communication in writing or via signs)

We have had one that was so severe they could not walk whilst being watched either (I think this was triggered by an unexpected hospital stay due to a stroke and then doctors/nurses wanting us to try to speak and walk on command to see if we still could).

This has happened twice to two different hosts (once in our 30's, once more recently during pandemic).

We already visit the DID forum frequently but not many seem to have SM so severe that it impacts having some alters that can't do anything in front of other people.

I wondered if anyone on here may understand that absolutely 'paralysing fear' that occurs the moment you relaise someone is expecting you to speak or do something whilst all eyes are on you..which is incredibly difficult to 'move past' especially if you've never had any therapy for it in your life.


Lily